Felling useless and "useful" to those I call my friends
I've never made many friends before. Every time I think I had a good friend it turned out that it was to be short lived. I have never had a friendship that lasted for many years, since anyone that seemed to get close would not get any closer to me. It took a 10 year marraige to end for me to realize that I didn't have a single friend I could rely on when the times were getting tough. After the separation started I tried to make friends, not ready for the constant heartache of meeting lots of people who I could not strike up with after a while.
So the "friends" that I have made in the past three years don't really feel like the friends that I want to have, and I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I feel like I am useful to people, a way for them to not feel bored, lonely, or sexually frustrated, yet I don't feel like I am a "person" that they want in their lives. I must admit that I have extreme difficulty making male friends, so I have mostly resorted to making friends with women. This has created its own problems, because most women I try to make friends with either try or ar successful at getting sex from me. I mostly feel used to their advantage without getting any needs of my own satisfied.
It seems like no one really cares what I want as long as they are satisfied themselves. If I even attempt to explain that I am left unfullfiled I get the "that's so selfish" speech, which I know is not the case. I am the most generous guy I know, and I provide so much time and effort to bond with people that it borders on criminal...