And If I am to move on

A letter I will never send

I: You made me feel like I needed you and now I do. You made it so it was like I wasn't even myself without you. You made me believe you were my other half. Once you had me hooked and relying on you, you left to test my loyalty. Your conditioning stood true

II: I was devastated when you left. You shattered me like glass and left me to pick up the broken pieces of myself all alone. Every time I thought just maybe I was over you, you decided to string me along with false hope of seeing you again.

III: You told me to wait for you, to never forget about you, to never move on without you because you needed me. I believed you and followed suit, playing into your hands like a marionette. I was so happy someone needed me when it was I who needed you. You wanted complete control over me and you had it.

IV: I was over the moon with joy when you came back. I was ready to give up and you must have known your control over me was waning in your absence. Coming back was just another way for you to show control. My life, my happiness, my entire being rested in your hands.

V: You never talk to me in front of other people. Do you think they'd notice all your mind games if you did? VI: I'm slowly but surely breaking free of your choke-hold of my life. I want to block you out so badly, to do to you what you did to me but I can't bring myself to do it. In the end, I'm still weaker than you and you'll always prey upon that but I'm learning how to. One day I'll be free of your grasp for good and I can finally spread my wings that you had clipped for so long. One day, I'll learn to be happy without you.