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should i be worried or am i just overreacting?

redYard5846 January 17th, 2022

It really bothered me when I saw my boyfriend like my pretty best friend’s instagram post. It wasn’t a bikini pic, but she looked pretty there, I mean she is naturally a beautiful girl. The type of beauty that all people would agree that she is beautiful. The thing is, my bf used to like my best friend when they were in high school because they go to the same school. They weren’t close or talked before, but my boyfriend used to like her because she’s an effortlessly pretty girl and I remembered he said he would’ve pursued her if he wasn’t timid back then.


I don’t understand myself, why I am bothered by the thought that he liked her picture. Maybe because he used to like her? Maybe because I am insecure of my friend because I feel like she is prettier than me and my boyfriend probably finds her more physically attractive than me even if I’m his girlfriend? Also, my boyfriend told me before that he only likes pictures of females that are his friends or celebrities. And that was totally okay for me. But my best friend is certainly not his friend (cuz they never had a friendship or are close with each other even if they attended the same school before).


I know I can’t control his attraction because we are human beings, it’s normal to find others attractive, but it hurts me so bad that he probably finds my best friend attractive which is also the same girl I am insecure about. I feel like I am not enough, and I will never be as beautiful as her. I feel jealous that my boyfriend finds her attractive and will still find her attractive no matter what, his eyes will still look at her.


I probably sound insecure and a next level overthinker in this post huhuhu. But should I be bothered that he likes her instagram post? It probably doesn’t mean anything, right? And I am just being insecure and overly sensitive about this?

2
Linognathus January 17th, 2022

I think you should ask him should you be worried about this? Tell him that what he did makes you feel uncomfortable. Insecure usually rooted from lack of trust, that lead to doubt. So ask him to clear that doubt you have.

It’s normal to feel jealous. If I’m in your place, I’ll be jealous too. I think you’re still quite rational based on the way you said that we can’t control people’s attraction to others bcz it’s normal for a person to like something beautiful. So I believe you can talk to him nicely too, on what you feel regarding his action. Tell him that what he did makes you feel insecure, and you would appreciate it if he stop doing it to make you feel safe in the relationship. I hope he would take your feeling seriously and did not belittle you and your feeling. Your feeling matter :)

Communication is always the key. Don’t blame him, just say what you feel sweetly. Maybe while hugging him or something. Tell him your concern. Wishing you the best ❤️

Daydreamer47 January 17th, 2022

@redYard5846 Maybe work with a counselor on your self-esteem and feeling that you are attractive. You can try writing down three things you like about your appearance and repeat it to yourself. Keep in mind that beauty standards are created by society and many images of women on IG are actually photo-shopped or filtered anyway. Your bf chose to be with you. Yeah, it's ok to ask for a little reassurance, but really you have to work on your own self-esteem and seeing yourself as attractive.