partner hanging out with someone you dont like
My partner has a close friend that I do not like.
She used to be my friend too but I did not like how she was treating me so I stopped being friends with her. I felt that she would not respect my time by arriving significantly late, changing plans last minute, and ignoring me when I explicitly carved out time to support her.
I felt that my partner was putting her feelings above mine. When she was upset my partner would try to appease her even if it meant upsetting me. When he chose her over me I felt extremely upset. Admittedly, I was jealous. The more they hung out the angrier I got and the more I disliked her.
Recently she had enough. She told my partner that she didn't want to be friends with my partner anymore. This was after I asked him to take a social media post down regarding a project they were working on together. I know I am the *** here since I know it's just a post and I didn't need to be so upset over it (the jealousy definitely took over here).
I guess my question here would be how to handle jealousy... What should I do when I am so jealous and upset and that green monster wants to take over.
Also side question, how do I get rid of the codependency that I have with my partner. I know it is really starting to get unhealthy and likely a facilitator of my jealousy.
@purplemango62 it's ok to feel protected of your partner but the green monster often makes us lose our precious braincells :') have you tried talking to your partner about how you feel? maybe they can reassurre or comfort you or something. You deserve feeling safe and respected for having your emotions also. 💗
I saw this just now maybe it has some tips for you https://www.7cups.com/forum/RelationshipFriendshipSupport_66/CopingToolsResourcesforRelationships_1161/CodependencySignsCausesandHelp_301767/
@purplemango62
Did he take down the post when you asked him? Why did she know your private conversation with your partner regarding the post or even about your jealousy when she is no longer in direct contact with you? Is he aware that appeasing her makes you extremely upset? Was he involved in the instances where she was disrespectful of your time and attention that led to your friendship with her breaking down?
The important thing to note would be his reactions to the situations, to understand whether there are any grounds for jealousy or not. Sometimes we try to justify or repress red flags because we do not want to accept. Other times, we can try to blow things out of proportion because we are insecure or the relationship lacks trust. Both cases are harmful to the relationship.
Another thought - people have different definitions of cheating. Some consider only physical intimacy or sex as cheating, while others consider emotional cheating as infidelity too. Emotional cheating is where a partner spends the time/energy/emotions elsewhere that they'd have shared with you. It could be helpful to have a casual conversation (not connected to this woman at all) about what he feels is cheating or infidelity. The answer might shine some light about how he views trust and boundaries in a relationship. Having the feeling of security and trust in your partner goes a long way towards calming that green monster, at least keeping it away from trying to damage the time you get together.
Codependency - healthy boundaries and a healthy relationship can help along with self care. We have a small self help guide that details how to build and maintain healthy boundaries within different relationships, which I'll share here for you - https://www.7cups.com/boundaries/
