my boyfriend barely responds to me and keeps apologizing but isn't trying any harder to respond
He's had this problem for a while where texting people back has been hard. It was fine with me for a while until he got out of school, and now he barely texts anyone. I've seen him a few times and we're always having a happy time and he's not ignoring anyone on purpose, I'm just getting frustrated and unsure on how to talk to him about it. He's not even busy, he's just on his computer. Quality time is my love language and the longer he ghosts me the more insecure I feel in our relationship. The longest was three days with zero texts, we talked about it, I wasn't super dramatic about it I just told him it worried me because it wasn't like him and i just needed him to say goodnight so I can get rid of intrusive thoughts that he's hurt or something.
But this last week has been awful for me, very physically painful- a really sudden medical issue arose and it's better now but I'm still crying about it at night and I have no support from anyone, no friends or family because they all seem to think it's fine if I'm able to go to school and my boyfriend won't talk anyway. I feel so alone and scared, and I want to say something less understanding just to get him to say something. He's constantly on technology and the only thing stopping him is anxiety over what to say and i sympathize with it but I don't think it's fair to just ignore people over it. I've put in a lot of effort and went out of my way to communicate with him when he needed me and him not doing that right now is really hard. He's a lovely person and this is his only issue but it feels big. Idk what to do.
@linvi
some people just are bad about responding and they may not mean it as they do not see it as you do...
you have had a talk and explained and they say they will try harder but then don't.
The choice is yours now.... you can accept their excuses and let them continue or you can stand up for what you want and need.... apologizing but knowing it can continue and they can apologize again tells them it is not a deal breaker or that important....
it is not enough to expect a bf/ partner / spouse to just KNOW you need this and do it if they love you ... they need to know it is NOT optional .... some changes need to be made without trial and error ... you keep hoping he will do it and he keeps thinking you will eventually just see it is not what he is willing to do...
seriously it will not improve unless it becomes important to them .... and trust me before it happens you will no longer care or find someone that can meet your needs.
@linvi
It sounds like you're going through a really tough time, Ruth. It's understandable that you're feeling hurt and unsupported right now, especially with your boyfriend not responding as you'd like.
Here are a few steps you might consider:
Express Your Feelings: It's important to communicate how his lack of response makes you feel. Use "I" statements to explain your emotions without blaming him. For example, "I feel lonely and insecure when we don't communicate regularly."
Be Clear About Your Needs: Share with him what you need from him to feel supported, whether it's a goodnight text or more frequent check-ins. Sometimes, partners may not realize how important these small gestures are unless they're explicitly stated.
Listen to His Perspective: Understand his side too. Anxiety about communicating can be a real barrier for some people. It's important to hear his feelings and challenges without judgment.
Set Reasonable Expectations: While it's valid to want regular communication, understand that everyone communicates differently. Finding a middle ground where both of you feel comfortable might involve compromise.
Seek Support Elsewhere: It's tough not having support from your partner when you need it most. Reach out to friends, family, or even like you did here, online communities for emotional support during this difficult time.
Remember, relationships take effort from both sides, and finding a balance that works for both of you is key. It's okay to voice your needs and seek understanding while respecting each other's challenges. Take care of yourself first and foremost, especially during times of stress and uncertainty🤗
@BlossomGirvan
sorry I meant "@linvi" not Ruth
@linvi
I broke up with him for that and a few other reasons but I just felt not worth his time or effort and like taken for granted
It's been really hard
@linvi sorry to hear what you’ve been going through it must be really difficult for you It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed, lonely, and hurt It's tough when someone you care about doesn't seem to understand or prioritize your needs It's also hard to feel like you're not being heard or supported It's okay to feel frustrated and upset. You're allowed to express your feelings, even if they're difficult to share what did you do to try to cope with this situation ?
