To date or not to date…
That is the questions isn’t it. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if my brain could, for once in our 26 years of life, decide on what it wants.
A brief explanation…. I’ve never dated. I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve been on a couple of dates but nothing ever advanced because I never let it. It never felt right.
However, at the beginning of the year I met this guy. A wonderful, kind, loving guy. We messaged for a few weeks and then met up for a date. We went for a meal and then chatted at his place for a bit. I had a wonderful time. He’s the first person I’ve ever met that I could see sharing a future with. I went home feeling happy.
Enter my conniving little brain. He wanted the arrange another date, a week later. My brain went “ah no I don’t want this”. Why? Oh any and every reason under the sun. He lives there, he has a cat, he hasn’t watched the same tv series as me. Stupid, pointless reasons. But I felt in my gut that I didn’t want it. So I called it off and tried to move forward, thinking maybe dating just isn’t for me.
In the interim from January to now, I’ve thought about him a lot. I’ve been tempted to message him several times but didn’t because I thought he’d have moved on too. My gut told me I didn’t want to be with him, then weeks later he is all I can think about. I went away on holiday with a friend and all I could think was that I wanted to share that holiday with him.
Role around to yesterday. He messaged me. He sent me a message saying he’d been thinking of me and that he just wanted to see how I was doing. If I’ve been thinking of him and he’s been thinking of me, surely that’s a sign right? And my little brain got excited. The butterflies, maybe he’s the one! But this morning, the doubts crept back in and that feeling in the pit of my stomach keeps coming.
I feel like Im on a rollercoaster where every twist and turn and high and low is my brain and body flipping from wanting to be with him to not wanting a relationship at all. I’m scared to give it a go because I don’t want to hurt him and if I have doubts about being in a relationship surely that’s also a sign? It’s kept me up at night and makes me sick to my stomach.
Is this normal? I feel like every choice in my life is some massive decision that need dissecting and scrutinising but it really, probably, isn’t that deep.
@MiniKitten
I think you should go on a date. If you don’t try, how would you know if you guys can work out? From my perspective you are interested in him and it is keeping thinking about him and it even keep you up late at night. There is no harm in giving him a shot. Don't be scared to get hurt because that happen in every relationship. What is important is how you address it. I wish you the best of luck.
Just take a deep breath … and give that nice fellow (and yourself) a second chance 😊
But don’t magnify it into some life changing event. You doing that is causing your perspective to become very skewed and every little thing will start to induce anxiety; and before you know it you will be terminating what could have been a positive thing in your life before it even starts.
It’s just a coffee, to get to know each other better. Nothing even has to happen. Order a cappuccino and have a chat. No need to plan a wedding or think about the future. No need to think about whether it will work out, or won’t work out. Just take things as they come. One step at a time .. one date at a time… 😹
OK so dating makes you nervous. That’s OK! Love and accept yourself! He was thinking about you after all that time so you must have been doing something right! ^^ embrace the opportunity. Just go with the flow instead of fighting it so much! Sometimes we have to get out of the way of our own happiness instead of being an obstacle to ourselves.
CatsInTheCradle