Relationship Struggle
So I had a breakup about 9 months ago and the relationship was very toxic, she was constantly playing mind games and stuff like that, I want to get in another relationship but I'm scared of being manipulated again or just straight up being used, how do I know I won't be a rebound again and won't be used? I'm not sure what to do, I want to date again but I'm scared
@FalconFootball91
How you do it is to set boundaries .... share your boundaries with potential dates.
if anything behaviors seem to show up ... Speak up and stop before it becomes toxic. I think in dating you will find some deal breakers and we say to ourselves give them one more chance and then another and we get angry that it happens again because we showed them we will tolerate it.
When dating setting and keeping boundaries is much easier then trying to fix a problem after the fact.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you, I'm just paranoid of dating now because I feel like all girls are kinda the same, should I try to date again and risk my heart being shattered again?
@FalconFootball91
No all girls are NOT the same and they have anxiety about what all boys are like too...
if you are looking for something REAL it is risky and even in a relationship there will be times when you may become disappointed or hurt.
Most things in life Worth something take some risk....
@toughTiger6481
True, I just feel like It's almost impossible to find something in 2024, from what I've heard and experienced It seems like all girls have guys they see on the side
@FalconFootball91
something real in 2024*
@FalconFootball91
I feel that having a side person is a disaster of their own making....
I can see why you are hesitant............. but a gf is someone you talk all these thing over before entering in to a relationship. It maybe where are you are looking for someone. ...........some girls are very shallow... no one comes out and says "hey not really into you just wanting to fill time while i continue to look for another..". or "my BF wont commit so trying to make him jealous not into you "
Think of a job interview...... ever went to a interview and decided "nope not for me".... but played the polite game of "yes this is good opportunity etc." ... then turned down after "thinking " about it......
I think this attitude is flawed but seems to be what people do these days ..... without seeing many people interview well but are *** employees.... same with dating
You would NOT take A job ...... if you did not have the ground work ..... iron out details both ways of what is expected in moving forward ..... expectations and deal breakers. Same in dating you talk about what you are looking for and if they are still shopping say good luck.... and move on
The number one thing is know your worth and respect yourself......... if someone does things wrong that is their flaw.... they are showing you they are not an honest and trustworthy person not a reflection on you.
@toughTiger6481
Alright, so look out for even the smallest red flags?
and tbh no girl will like me bc i dont make enough money and i dont look good enough
@FalconFootball91
small red flags ignored often grow and in hindsight look much larger then they did at first
Believing in yourself and have confidence in who you are is key. Others wont think you are worth it if you do not believe it.
I will tell you the truth my partner I did not think was attractive at all .....at first.... but when I got to know them I looked at them differently.
I have know some very attractive people who were ugly the minute when they opened their mouth and showed me who they were....both male and female. Getting to know a person changes that first impression and looks are subjective.
@toughTiger6481
ohhhh, that makes a lot of sense, thank you
I feel the same way. I’ve been in a relationship for 18 years with a total narcissist and it’s very hard especially with children.
@selfdisciplinedWheel6022
thats tough, im sorry u have to go thru that