My Fault(s)?
I don't know what is wrong with me. I just don't understand how to date or stay grounded with realistic expectations. There's a girl at work that I want to ask out, and I'm already setting myself up for disappointment. I've barely talked to her, but I'm already day-dreaming about our future together.
It only just now dawned on me that she might already be in a relationship or she just won't be into me. I have a hard time dealing with rejection, so I don't ask out many girls to begin with. But it's like everytime it happens, it's just another confirmation that I'm not worth being loved. It's not like I'm trying to go for girls way out of my league either. A friend once told me that once I fall for a girl, then I fall hard, which I agree with. I'm not sure why I do this. Maybe it's out of desperation? I'm not able to love myself properly and I'm just looking for validation from other people.
It just feels like everything I'm doing is wrong. I've tried dating apps, but I'm terrible at creating an interesting profile. I suck at pictures and I suck at creating a bio. Past that, I'm very awkward and not good at conversation; especially under stress. All of this just compounds and makes me think I'm not really ready to date yet. Maybe I'm just overthinking things like usual. I just feel so lost when it comes to this stuff.
It does sound like you might need to take a break from dating to focus on yourself. You've also probably heard that before and know that it is much easier said than done. I've also struggled with falling too fast and dealt with a lot of rejection in my life so I can somewhat understand your situation. One pill that's hard to swallow is that a relationship will not fulfill or complete you despite what you might think. Try putting effort into the other things in life that make you happy and maybe focus on creating friendships before relationships. I also know loving yourself is hard, (I struggle with it too) but if you don't love yourself or believe you are capable of love, your insecurities will prevent you from fully believing your partner actually loves you. As for the conversation part, I struggle with small talk too so I keep a note in my phone of random questions/conversation topics that pop in my head or you can just try to find someone as awkward as you 😅.
I'm not great at advice but I hope this helps :)
