Dealing with conflicting needs

My husband and I have been together a long time. Since 2006. We've come a long way learning to communicate. We're struggling right now though. Our 14 year old cat is sick and we've not been getting enough sleep.

On top of ity health problems are worsening. I'm in constant pain. I've been having to handle all my own healthcare needs because he's too busy with spending all his spoons on the cat.

He's super stressed and is needing me to "be okay" and not get upset but I'm struggling. Depression and anxiety and pain. And just all of it.

I need hugs and headpats and to be told I'm wonderful and loved. I'm needing attention and comfort.

Right now his stress has him the opposite and needing to not be touched and allowed to voice his frustrations and complain.

Our needs are at odds. Today I cried for hours because of it. I told him I don't feel loved.

He took the time to listen and I'm grateful for it. We gave each other time and space to listen but in the end he told me bluntly he can't be there for me emotionally right now. He's barely holding himself together.

I'm on my own for support.

Whick triggered my childhood neglect trauma and all the times as a kid it was not okay to not be okay.

I can feel myself pushing my feelings down. Finding that old familiar mask to put on.

It's fine. Everything is fine.

Except it's not and I'm worried I might backslide into dark spaces.

I'm not in crisis.

But I feel the dark thoughts are renewing their passport.

I wish it wasn't a 3 month wait to get in to see the doctor.