am i in a toxic friendship?

recently i've been feeling awful and i think that my friendship is one part of the cause. well, barely alive friendship with my bff. we haven't talked with each other in last few months like we used to, but it came naturally since we don't go to the same uni and we go out rarely. the thing is that i had some issues with my mental health (i suffer from mixed anxiety and depressive disorder with unspecifized eating disorder) and i haven't talked with her like i would used to. at that time i wasn't talking with other people as much too, i simply couldn't. then we went out and it was really weird. i talked with her about my problems and my new meds and she seemed okay with it and little concerned. after that we didn't speak much.
it was this thing that happened few days ago. when we went out then i didn't tell her about one thing. actually two, since she doesn't know about the food problem but that's not important now. i told her about a hook up i had with this one guy in the period when i was really bad and i couldn't tell her then because it was too fresh and i was ashamed and i felt like she would judge me although she probably wouldn't cause she is my bff. still, telling her was not the nice feeling and she was kind of angry and disappointed and she said that isn't me and that she feels like someone had shut my light ever since i am feeling like this. that is true, i really don't know who am i and why i do thing i normally wouldn't do, but i was trying to be okay with it since i haven't figured out what to do with myself in this state. also she was hurt a little because i didn't tell her earlier even though i explained i couldn't and how i'm feeling, and with that she indirectly called me a hypocrite because we have an ex-friend who did similar thing to her ex-crush and this guy i had hook up with maybe was my other friend's crush (she never told me, i'm just assuming). so yeah, i see that she is biased here and i don't feel any better. instead, she triggered more guilt in me and said i should tell and apologize to that girl (friend with possible crush) and that she is so disappointed. at first she ghosted my ''okay i get it'' texts but we spoke a little after that although it was mainly some stupid small-talk. i don't know what to do or what to think since this is not the first time i don't know what to do and this is not the first time that i feel like i'm walking on eggshells. i feel like she will be okay with me only after i apologize to that girl, like she is trying to make me do it because se would be hurt if it was her. i know that my act isn't the best, but after talking with her i started thinking it was regret doing it as well as telling her.
with that, i think that i might be toxic (too). i wasn't there for her like she maybe expected and when we talked i listened but rarely gave some feedback, only because i couldn't. i haven't shared with her all stories about recent events like she did with me. i don't know, but i feel like i've been pretty shitty friend lately.
in the end, i just want to say that i feel like i'm losing all my friends and most importantly my bff who i don't wanna lose, and all of that because of my illness and not being able to recognize my ''normal'' self anymore.
thanks for reading.