Hit by my husbands father and my husband
I got married 4 months ago and my husband and I have been living in our own apartment close to my in laws.
Recently, my husband and I have been facing some issues because of the parents on both sides which we have been trying to sort.
One afternoon, during an argument my husband called his father and the next thing I know his father was in our apartment. He asked what the problem was and when I answered he drove me into a corner and slapped me. After which my husband slapped me too.. I was so shocked that I froze and I remember being slapped multiple times.
After the whole incident, my husband justified the action (along with a lame apology) and said I provoked them to do it because I was arrogant and rude.
Should i consider separation or give him another chance ?
@Anxiouskitten23
One thing a woman should NEVER tolerate is domestic abuse. Not only did your husband put HIS own hands you but, he allowed ANOTHER man to do so. Followed by a JUSTIFICATION?! There's no justication for what he did. Those are men who cannot control their anger or be civil when it comes down to do so. It may have even been prevalent in their family before they met you.
I think you need to RUN. Women often accept the sorry and half butt apology but, some of them don't see the next day to share their story because they believe what happened is a one time thing. He allowed another man to put his sorry hands on you. No matter how angry he got with what you said, that absolutely should not have happened.
@CoolBeans29 thank you for your honest response. This is what my family and friends feel too. It's just heartbreaking to see the extreme turn in behaviour and it's sad and upsetting that I didn't see all of this before. I'm sure there were signs!
@Anxiouskitten23
This small incident has allowed you to see a fraction of his true colors. The way these actions proceeded to occur as smooth as butter? I think you'd have another thing coming by staying.
We often downplay domestic abuse in it's early stages and by the time it gets to a certain point, it's too late. I think you should notify your family discreetly also and set up a danger word that you could send them that wouldn't be too obvious. Or set up one of their names or the name of 911 in your phone as a pizza ordering place.
For the police, when you call them tell them you would like to order a pizza. They will ask if you're aware that you're calling the police. After saying yes, they will ask if you're in any kind of trouble.
For your family, you can set up code words, code orders etc.
Please, be safe.
@CoolBeans29 thank you. I am safe now and out of that apartment.
@Anxiouskitten23
I responded before I saw your update. If you have not done so, I would also consider getting a restraining order against the husband and his father. The advice that @coolbeans28 gave you is spot on. Glad that you took action so soon. Continue to take care of yourself. YOU ARE SPECIAL and YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED.
@CoolBeans29
Absolutely great advice. I responded before I read your post. This post made my heart sink.
@Anxiouskitten23
please please please take the warning signs. Your husband's father was teaching his son how to "treat" a woman. THIS WILL DEFINITELY HAPPEN AGAIN. I know because my mother was in an abusive relationship for a short time. Thankfully she had the courage to leave. What you said or did is totally IRRELEVANT. your husband and his father are totally out of line. This is how some "men" have been taught to "train a woman" by beating them into submission.
You should also report this abuse. Yor may be in greater danger. Run while you can. If you stay, you will go through a honeymoon phase (of apologies) and then be hit again. Eventually, you will get hurt badly or even worse get tired of being abused and end of hurting one of them. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS. please heed the warning signs. SAVE YOURSELF WHILE YOU CAN. PLEASE.
@affectionateChestnut7351 thank you for your response. I know that moving on is the best thing for me.. but the regret of not having seen the signs earlier is so much. Plus I'm not too excited about having a failed marriage that too in just 4 months. Sigh. Does it get better ? Will I be able to trust people again ? I have so many questions.
@Anxiouskitten23 there are a lot of wonderful men out there who would never hurt a woman. I was in your situation (but with r*or instead of hitting, but does it really matter what it is at the end of the day?), and I thought that even if there was a man out there who would never hurt me, he wouldn't want me because of what I'd been through with another guy. I have found someone, though. Take your time to heal and invest in friendships with guys, and it'll teal help you to recover and regain trust. And remember that leaving an abusive relationship is never failing. You're not ending a failed marriage, you're leaving abuse. And you can tell people whatever you want, but my opinion is that it's good for us to say that we left abusive relationships instead of calling them "failed." It can give strength to other women and it's past time for us to end the stigma.
@Anxiouskitten23
No second chance, definitely plan to leave him. No reason in the world to hit a woman yet gang up on you like that. I do not know in what country or society you live but those two would have been behind bars by now...leave as fast as possible and if your country allows press charges so noone can suffer this abuse again!
I am sorry for the horrid thing that happened to you and it saddens me that it still happens in the world...if someone hit my daughter...
@Oase thank you for your kind words. I am shocked and appalled that such things still happen. If only there were signs before I decided to marry him.
@Anxiouskitten23
We never know, life is like that, likes to torment us...
@Anxiouskitten23
Think carefully and stay safe. Beware a hitter is always going to use their hands to compensate for a lack of self control. Nobody should ever except being hit!
Blessings n hugs 🤗
Does anybody have tips for getting through separation and eventually divorce ?
@Anxiouskitten23
Are you in the United States? Because if so, you can contact the battered women shelter for advice and support, and they will help you! Look for services like that, but be safe about it!!! Because it could be dangerous, you are dealing with a violent person's emotions, so do these things behind closed doors on the down low as safe as possible. Find people on 7 cups to support you as you do this, but make sure you have real support from real people in your area. you can reach out to an area outside of where you live to reduce the risk.
Blessings, Day
Thank you to everybody who shared their thoughts and support. I left my ex in June the day this happened and we legally separated in July last year. I moved to a different country in December and I'm picking up the pieces, hoping to start afresh ❤️ I didn't go to the police because where I come from, these cases can easily take upto 2 years and a small bribe can let anybody off the hook.
I did however publish my experience on social media so that all my contacts could read and anybody who knew him and his family would know too. I received a lot of support from friends and family and was luckily able to escape that horrible marriage.
I still think about it every day and wish I could do something to punish them both. And healing is harder than what I actually went through.
@Anxiouskitten23
Im so proud of you!! Dont worry about punishing them, hatred has a double edge. Its best to move on like youre doing and not have any hate running through your veins.
Blessings, Day
Pls, for your sake , don't not stay with this man..You are still in the honey moon phase of the marriage and you're already been slapped by husband and father in law? This is a bad sign
