How do I forgive and move forward?
Been married almost 5 years, been with my wife for over 8 years. 2 years into our marriage I cheated on my wife of sorts by flirting with a co worker and meetinger her once. Nothing physical or intimate ever conspired or took place. I was called out by my wife and we worked through the situation. We have delt with an serious ankle injury on my wife for over a year and half at this point. Where at time she could not work or move well. She had an opportunity to promote in her career at the same time as myself. We took my promotion due to financial reasons but it forced us to move states and her to quit. My new position requires tons of hours and very inconvenient times for shifts. Causing more frustration and strained relationship between us. She found work in her filed but due to the injury it forced her to quiet when surgery was required. I will admit we both let the relationship fall and did not out our efforts in as much as we needed. It got to the point where she cheated online with 2 different people before and after surgery. Including images and sexting. I looked through her phone to find out what was happening approaching her openly none aggressive we talked it out and open both admitted put fault in the relationship and wanted to better us. We both believe in one marriage. We have been putting our marriage first and rebuilding out relationship. However I had thought I had forgiven her for it..but I have found myself with paranoid thoughts and actions by going back through her phone and online profiles. I fully know there is nothing going on and she is not doing anything and yet I do snoop not knowing why. It has gotten to the point where our relationship is on a edge either it falls off the cliff or not. I have come to the thought that subconsciously I have not forgiven her for what happened and role she played in it. I have thought I have forgiven her but my thoughts and act have shown otherwise to the point of ending our marriage. How dose someone move past all this stronger together? I want nothing more then to have my wife at my side again. I want to move forward and be rid of my paranoid and worry actions. I want to forgive!
Hi @kimballlemon
You both had went through a terrible situation even that the storm hasn't been over yet... and you still want to fight for your marriage *thumbs up*
From what you told, sounds like fear made you anxious/ worry and it motivated you to check for 100% certainty. Is it like that?
Question is have you fully forgiven yourself. You need to do that before you can forgive her. This is a complex situation and best thing is open communication and really understanding where each person is coming from and being very vulnerable and honest with each other and emphasize with each other. Are you both able to do that. I read a psychology article asking if withholding physical intimacy should be considered same level of betrayal as intimacy outside of marriage. By that same token if the emotional intimacy isn’t there what is the other partner to do ??? When cheating of any form happens there is usually fault on both sides. I think deep down inside you know this. That’s why I asked have you forgiven yourself?