still struggling
My ex-boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I broke up 4 months ago. Through these past few months, I've realized that he was a horrible person and the worst guy I could have picked for my first serious relationship. I also kept secrets of his for over a year that were disgusting and illegal, and now I've decided to report him to the police. Part of me feels good for finally coming forward with this information because the burden of guilt was eating away at me. But another part of me feels terrible. My actions could potentially ruin his life. And even after all the things he did to hurt me throughout our relationship, I find myself still caring for him and even loving him. And that makes me disgusted with myself. He's also completely moved on with a new girlfriend, a great job, his own place, and what appears to be a great life. It's as if I never existed. I just can't seem to fully move on because he doesn't act as though he's sorry for how much he's hurt me. He never once apologized for anything he ever did to me (or didn't do). I don't know how to truly move on from investing so much of my heart and my efforts into a person who left me in the dirt without a second thought. And thoughts or strategies or kind words are welcome.
I am so sorry for the pain you must be feeling during such a difficult time. I believe almost everyone experiences a breakup that seems to completely tear apart the world they once believed they knew. You fell for someone who seems to not only be undeserving of your love but even your tears. You did the right thing by reporting him because even those who we love should face consequences when the stumble or make mistakes. It is easy to look at an ex and feel like everything is going perfectly for them but you have to also think about this-- you are only seeing the highlight reel of his life right now. That new girlfriend? Could be terrible or even cheating on him. That new house? Could have put him in debt. You have to take a step back from the situation ( as hard as that can be when you loved someone) and try to see past your emotions. You escaped the grasp of a truly terrible man and have acknowledged that! Don't do yourself the discredit of crying over him now. You have a life to live and should do so abundantly. You deserve more than this guy could ever give you. Hold true to that and you will slowly but surely move on. You just have to believe that you can. That's where it starts
*hug* I commend you for opening up. What you did was brave. That is harsh; loving someone dearly and getting hurt in the end. I know how you feel. You seem like a kind, caring and selfless person. I'm sorry you were treated like that, you don't deserve any of this. I don't think there's anything wrong with loving any person. You don't have to feel disgusted with yourself. You do have to love yourself first. I understand that this is a long, hard struggle. But when you succeed, you'll shine. You'll tell the tale about how you went through all this and still triumphed. I believe in you. You are a really strong person. A person like your boyfriend can treat anyone like dirt, you never know. It only "appears" to be a great life, after all. If he has a developed (or at least near-developed) conscience, he'll apologize. If not, leave him be. What matters, is that you learned. And you're growing from this. Someday, you may end up in a better place than he seems to be right now. You have yourself, and that is the most important asset you will ever have. Remember that. You have probably become wiser than you were before, so you'll end up in much better relationships. And now that you don't have him, the coming days will probably be relatively easier. I know that you'll get through this. Best of luck to you. Stay strong, and stay safe.
I echo every kind word, you are very brave. The one thing I want to clear up is that by reporting him you did NOTHING to him. He did this. His crimes. His wrongs. Not yours. You are not responsible to influence karma or fate by hiding his wrongs. You did the right thing.
HUGS!
It's not your actions that got him into trouble. It was his own bad decisions that did.
You did the right thing, turning him in. Reward yourself for having the courage to do so. Now that it's done, let the law handle himand focus on making your life what you want it to be.
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I feel like on some level I know all of the things you've said are true, but it just gets hard to actually believe them when I let my mind wander. So sick of thinking about him.
Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? (Painting, reading, drawing or anysports?)
I used to. I'm also struggling with severe clinical depression and one of the side effects for me is I've lost interest in most of the things I used to enjoy. Right now the only thing that helps get my mind off of it is working out, which I can only do for a couple of hours a day. I used to be a musician though. And I love to bake and read when I have the energy.
I am sorry about the clinical depression. I find it helps todedicate fifteen minuets to an hour a day to something that you really enjoy. Even if you have to force yourself to do it in the beginning.If you want I will commit to the same thing. Kind of like a team.
(I havealso recently experiencedabreak up)
Forgive yourself for being human. When you first started your relationship, you did not know the things about him and yourself that you know now. Plus, when we begin to love someone, we ignore things about that person that we dont like. We make that person into who we want/ need them to be. Its human nature. Ive been there. Just know it takes time. Sometimes a long time. But it will get better I PROMISE. Know youre loved and keep you head up ;)