still feeling hurt after breakup

Last month, I found out my boyfriend had been lying and cheating on me with many women, since the beginning of this relationship.

We are in different countries. Last year we decided to live together after about half-year long-distance relationship. So I went to his country, being so excited that I am about to build up a home with him. Only after a month, I found out he’s a liar.

He said he didn’t want us to give up on the relationship and wanted to fix it. But the way he fixed was come up with some excuses that don’t make sense, and more lies to cover his lies.

I tried to give him chance only found out he’s calling other woman baby. I couldn’t be with someone I can’t trust, so we broke up and I went back to my country.

But it’s been hurting so much these days. I am still a mess now. Sometimes I feel getting better, yet next minute I can begin to cry. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with panic. The worst thing is, I miss him a lot, even though I know he lost interest in me long time ago. I want to contact him and talk to him so much.

I tried to find a job to distract myself from this pain. But I almost cry in the interviews, which made me realize I am not in a good mental situation to work. So I made an excuse to turn down the offers.

     I am lost now. Before I was preparing for a new life, for building up a home I’ve been yearning for with someone. Now there’s no new home no plan. I don’t really know what to do.