a struggle of familiarity vs. growth

I am in the midst of crawling towards the exit of a 7 year "relationship" with it still gripping my feet. Although its grasp is warm and familiarly comforting, I know from experience that its grasp holds pain. Amidst the pain lies good memories and moments where I grew to be the person I am because of them. But the foundation itself is crumbling from years of neglect; too many times where problems were swept beneath a tattered rug, a feeble attempt of facing the crude reality of it all.

And as I stare at the exit, I can't help but periodically glance over my shoulder with longing and remorse. Even though the cheers in the distance are urging me to keep going, the pleading of the past makes it hard to focus on anything else. I feel as though I am being torn in two and the uncertainty that lies within me hurts almost as much as the familiar pain I once lived in.

I feel as though I can't trust myself or the feelings that cling to my veins. I just want peace, but the turmoil of this journey to growth makes me want to turn back. And I'm so, so, tired.

I suppose there isn't a question, or a request for advice. I'm just hurting all the time, and I hate it.