Your thoughts on divorce to find happiness?
What are your thoughts on divorcing to live an authentic life? I married a good guy 16 years ago and have always felt I am pretending to love him as much as he loves me (even when we got engaged). I find it almost impossible to pretend anymore and am about to make the decision to tell him I want to separate (summer) and then divorce if that is my final decision. I have 3 kids (13, 9, and 6).
@lifeisbeautiful37
Love is an emotion, not a fact. It follows no logic and we cannot choose who we love or how much. There is no standard measure, simply because we each have our own yardstick for assessing love.
A marriage or relationship is a conscious decision, like a mutual contract that comes with certain expectations on both sides. Based on what stage of development you're at, you choose priorities in life and the contract becomes negotiable. The interesting point to note is, love is no guarantee for happiness in a relationship. It all depends on your own understanding of "happiness".
It sounds like at your current life point, you feel happiness means "authenticity", which you relate with not having to show love that you do not feel. What if there was no "as much as" involved in the statement "love him as much as he loves me" ... that'd mean no obligation to show what you do not feel, have the safe space to discuss retuning the relationship to restore authenticity. Would that make any difference to your chosen path?
I love that you say love is no guarantee of happiness in a relationship, and that is so true. I’ve loved very deeply in 2 past relationships but those relationships came to an end. If I took away the “as much as” I’m not sure it would make a difference.
@lifeisbeautiful37
Thank you for your response. I can see that you already know your path :) I wish you well and hope you find the authenticity you seek.
Thanks