Worried About Running into my Ex
Hello, everyone.
I am having a difficult time at the moment. My ex and I broke up right after Thanksgiving. I was away working for a few weeks and he was the catalyst for me to stay home. He came up with a new career that I'm really excited about. He showed me around places I had never seen in my home area. But, now, it's over and he won't talk to me. I'm not even sure why he is so angry or why he wants to cut me out his life. I didn't see the break-up coming. So, I assume something happened with him while I was gone.
The problem is that I don't really know many people around here because I lost touch with or just had falling outs with high school friends over the years. I found a meet-up tomorrow at happy hour time. I didn't know where it was. So, I RSVPed. But this morning, I checked the map and realised that I would have to take the train four minutes from his house(because that's the only one I know and feel comfortable driving to at night by myself.), get off at the exact stop he takes to work, walk the exact route he walks to and from the train and past some of his happy hour favorite spots(he took me to one on my birthday), and possible walk past his work building to get to the bar.
I'm worried I will run into him and he will think I am 'stalking' him. I'm worried I will be so consumed with anxiety that it will stress me out before I even get to this event(that I don't want to go to because I hate going new places alone, but how else am I supposed to meet new people?). I'm on the verge of tears as I write this...
I had hoped that he and I could be friends again one day and maybe give it another try while I am actually in town, but I'm not nearly ready to run into him on his territory. He was really angry the last time I just texted to see if we could talk when I got back home a few weeks ago. He just got back in the country yesterday from a trip abroad. I'm afraid that I may run into him and he will think I'm trying to since it's literally within a 5 block radius of his job and favorite bars....
The best thing you can do is walk outside confidently! Nothing looks better than confidence. If you stay in with fear of seeing him then he will have an upperhand on you.. you have to have an upperhand on him and show him you dont care :).
@Lovelynn Thank you.
@warmheartedHuman2014
This is a very uncomfortable, awkward situation. It must feel very upsetting and confusing with how he left things with no closure, no explanation. That would make me sit and question things over and over wondering why why why... and for him to be unable to answer these questions for you isn't fair. I didn't catch if you had mentioned how long the two of you were together, but is it a possibility that he was already in a relationship, was unsure about it, had a wonderful 'fling' with you and then decided to go back to whomever he was previously/originally with? It's not a pleasant thought, but could it be a possibility? It might explain his sudden, DROP IT attitude "nice knowing you good bye it's over please dont text back i don't want my wife and kids to see it"? Just a thought. Another thing.. with running into him... i DEFINITELY understand how uncomfortable that is. How awkward would that be? Honestly though, What would happen? Do you think he would approach you if you're just going about your day doing your own thing? Would he spot you, and come up to you? If you're just going out and doing what you need to do, I wouldn't be concerned with him.. If you're looking for someone, chances are you'll find them, so try your best to focus on what you're going out to do :) I'm sure he's not the only person in the world you don't want to run into, but if we live like that, we'd never leave our homes :P <3 either way, focus on you. do your thing. you will do GREAT!
@wonderousHeart14 Hey, thank you for your kind words. We were only together a few months but we had known each other a year before we started dating. He had been courting me for that time and I had kept him in the friend zone. But I had had a bad situation with a coworker and my ex had always been so kind and gentlemanly and patient. So, I gave him a chance. I believe he hadn't been in a relationship in almost 2 years. He was always very open about telling his friends and family and coworkers about me even when we were just friends. He couldn't wait to introduce me to all the important people in his life and to start making plans for the future. I'm not sure what happened. The only thing I can think of is that he self-sabotaged. He is an anxious person and has some control issues that seemed to manifest themselves in an eating disorder/body dysmorphic way. He did mention before I left how he really liked me and that being with me was making him feel a way he hadn't felt before.
I didn't run into him. I'm trying not to fear it because I have decided that I like that part of the city and going there by train when I am going on my own. His work is by a city park. I'm in between job. I didn't enjoy the Meetup, but can't sit in the house and just study and work out. So, I want to go back this week and sit in the park, read, and people watch one afternoon. I'm not sure how he would react. I definitely didn't think he would react as rudely as he did when I called him when I got back in town(after giving him almost 3 weeks of space, mind you.) I don't think he would come up to me. Or that he would cause a scene since it is over by his work and his coworkers may pass(he is very concerned with having a specific image at work).
I'm doing a lot of internal work now on forgiveness, self-forgiveness, resilience, and just trying to be a better partner and friend in general. It's tough since I am single and only have a couple of friends here that I rarely see. I purchased a program on how to try to get your ex back into your like long before I started dating him. The person I got it for wasn't worth the cost and honestly didn't do anything for me. But this guy is different. I don't know if we can even go back to being friends but I'd like to. I'd at least would hope for him to be able to know I'm not angry and that I forgive him. I hadn't told him I loved him because I decided to never say it first again. But I do love him and hope he is ok.
@warmheartedHuman2014
it is hard to love someone from afar.. i understand that part for sure :(
the whole situation sounds pretty confusing and i'm sorry you had to/have to go through that but good for you though (with the self help stuff) that's worked wonders for me... you seem to be doing good and you're right that he probably won't cause a scene IF you run into eachother. Don't forget you have all of us here at 7cups, you're not alone!!!!!
@wonderousHeart14 Yes. It is. Thank you for your support! I'm trying to do what all the books say as far as post-break up. I don't have many friends here. 1 with a toddler who is quite misbehaved and another who lives an hour away and doesn't always return my phone calls. I don't think the happy hour Meetups are for me. I'm trying to wait till I start earning money before I rejoin my cross fit gym. I'm having terrible luck even finding a guy with online dating to talk to and it's been a month since I joined. My profile seems to follow all the rules. I went to visit a friend from college after Christmas and she read it and said it sounded good, but maybe a bit intimidating. Plus, a lot of my 'matches' don't even want to date a black girl(it says so on their profile). Maybe I live in an odd area. I want to go back to the city one day this week and walk around the park and then go to a cafe or bookstore nearby. I don't want to run into him, but I need to get out of the house and go somewhere that is semi-comfortable/known. The park is over by his work by about a 15 min walk. I will go when he isn't on lunch break and leave before he finishes work I think. It's the only other option I can think of right now that doesn't include too much money(the train from over by his house is only $6 round trip). I'm taking a career test Friday with my mentor and I am feeling good about how well I will do on the test. Just need to find a job after that...
@warmheartedHuman2014
You're very welcome. It sounds like you've got your head on straight. You are very smart and you know what you're doing. Don't let anything or anyone take that away from you.
@wonderousHeart14 thank you, so much for your kind words and reading my ramblings. You have a good heart and that means a lot to me to have someone listen. X