We decided to try and stay friends, but it doesn't feel that way...
So my ex and I ended things, because we both lied to eachother. I forgave him for his lies, but just told him my truth and we didn't talk for a little over a month. I wrote him a letter, not sure if it was a goodbye letter or just to say all the things I needed to say that I wasn't able to when we broke up so that I could have closure. I ended the letter stating that I needed to know where he stood after reading everything that I put down on paper and see if there was a possibility of staying friends. He texted me a few days later stating that he was still in pain after what happened, but felt better than when we first broke up and would like to continue our friendship for sure.
We've texted here and there, nothing meaningful or intimate...just the normal how was your day stuff. The last text conversation we had was a couple of days ago. He had told me he had gotten sick with a cold and fell asleep. I told him not to worry that he needed his rest and I hoped he felt better. He didn't even read it and obviously hasn't responded.
I am in a place where I miss him terribly, but I also know my worth, so I won't keep bothering him if he doesn't want to talk to me, but it still doesn't feel good. I guess I'm struggling with the fact that it feels like I don't mean anything to him any longer and that is a hard pill to swallow when he means so much to me.
It takes time to heal. Accept this as a sign that they need a little bit of space to let old wounds heal and to reassess where their feelings are when the normal steps of grief have passed.
In the mean time, take this as an opportunity to develop yourself as an independent unit without thoughts of the past relationship holding you back. Once you are comfortable, you may find the confidence to reach back out and test how you both are feeling. @brightAvocado3528
I have felt the way you are feeling - like how did you go from being an integral part of this person's life to being ignored or shut out. Standing on the outside of your situation, having read that he told you he was still in pain but feeling better than when you first broke up, I would say that although he isn't communicating with you, he is still hurting. So although he may not have read your text, or replied to it, I don't think you are easy to look away from - it's more likely that he is probably thinking about you constantly, and trying not to. I don't know that that will help you to feel any better, but I don't think there's any way that after all that it sounds like you went through together, that you would be easily forgettable. *hug*
@RaspberryCup8692 That made me feel so much better thank you so much!! I really hope so...
@brightAvocado3528 Hope you keep feeling better every day...it will happen, just takes time :)
@RaspberryCup8692 thanks so much for your support, it means so much!! He reached out today and we talked for a bit. Laughed and joked around so I think you are right in that he's still hurting but maybe still cares as well...
@brightAvocado3528 No problem :) And I am glad that you got to hear from him, it takes the edge off of the pain a bit...Squidism was also right, about this being a chance to focus on you, and you as an independent unit. I think it's common for a lot of us on this site to be more comfortable caring for others than ourselves at times, but we deserve that effort too, especially when we are hurting.
This makes me so happy to hear! I came back to check on how you were doing. I am very glad to see that things appear to be looking up and you are beginning to find peace with the decision that was made. Its never an easy one, but theres always a reason for it :]
I hope the next few weeks are filled with as much forward progress and positive thinking as today was, but remember if a bad day, or days, sneak in there, thats okay too.. part of the process!
@Squidism Thats so kind, thank you for coming back to check on me. The 7 cups community has been so supportive and has made me feel less alone and Im so grateful for all of you. Yes it was a great day yesterday, but I know there will be good and bad days, so I will try and stay strong through the bad ones and appreciate the good. Thanks again for being so kind!! Hugs!!
@brightAvocado3528
I know it sounds awful to feel like you've been easily let go of but I'm sure it wasn't easy for him either. Its not easy to let go of feelings that strong or that intimate. People wish they would just fade away but it takes time. He's just trying to adjust and probably might be thinking he shouldn't confuse you with his own feelings. Its a struggle for both of you. The friend zone would've been a trap for both of you as you might be clinging to things in the past. I'm sure you both deserve better and dear you will find it someday. Just take your time to heal and perhaps you might want to travel to spend time alone or do your hobbies or catch up with friends. It will help you alot.
I wish you all the best.
Well I have an update...It hurts, but I have to be okay with it...Hears what I've learned about loving someone with your whole heart...
Since we decided to be friends I knew going into the friendship that the day would come when either he or I, or both of us would move on to someone new. He is now moving on, and as much as it hurts my heart, I truly want him to be happy. I love him so much that his happiness means everything to me. He deserves to be happy so I want him to live happily ever after and if that is not with me by his side that is ok with me, because his happiness means everything to me. Love is selfless and pure and honest. I will pray for his happiness every single day of my life. And maybe one day...I'll be happy as well.
We spoke last night and he was afraid to talk to me about this girl he wants to start talking to. He knew her 5 or 6 years ago and they were pretty close friends, but he said he kind of had a crush on her back then and would like to start talking to her again in hopes that maybe they could reconnect and get closer. As much as it hurt to hear this I knew that being a good friend was important, so I gave him advice on how to approach her. I know, I'm a glutten for punishment, but I also felt like what kind of friend would I be if I wasn't there for him? Still, my heart aches a little. I know it will pass, but I just needed to talk it out here. I am really in need of some support on this so that I can move on in a positive way and focus on the things I need to to get through this heart ache.
@brightAvocado3528
Hi there, I apologize for not seeing your post earlier in the week...that sounds heart-wrenching although I know you are trying to stay friends with this person. There have been times when I've felt the same way you do - like how can you not be supportive of this person moving on, if you are truly trying to be their friend? Sometimes this just becomes too painful to bear - and that isn't wrong, your first priority has to be yourself and your wellbeing. His focus is on himself, which is taking the form of him moving on. There's nothing wrong with you taking a step back if it's too painful for you to be aware of what he is up to.
Take good care of yourself and remember to put Avocado first :)
@RaspberryCup8692 Thank you so much RaspberryCup...Yes I agree with you. Lately I've felt like the friendship is onesided. I find myself reaching out first and when I do sometimes I don't get a reply for days. Then he replies and starts telling me about this girl (that I give him advice on). The last text I received from him stated that he just wished she would message back more often, but that maybe she just doesn't get on instagram that often. I replied "Maybe, but she should get alerted when she receives a message shouldn't she?" and he hasn't even read it. That was 8 days ago. He says he is rarely by his phone so doesn't always see his messages come in either. I'm just at a point where I will only put in the effort to be friends if he is willing to put in the effort as well and at this point it seems so easy for him to just ignore or forget that I even exist. It hurts, but I know my worth and I know it is his loss. Just trying to wrap my head around how I could go from feeling like the most important person to him to now being so easily thrown away. It's time to put me first I guess.
@brightAvocado3528
Hi Avocado...That does sound painful, and very onesided at this point. You are right and it's definitely time to put yourself first.
Right now, whenever you reach out to him you are putting him first. It's true that the satisfaction of hearing from him would make you feel good for a while, so in that sense, you are putting yourself first there, but ultimately right now, everything is to his benefit. He is putting himself first. And you are putting him first. Everybody is putting this guy first! What has he done to deserve this? If you think about it that way, I don't think you'll have as hard a time focusing on yourself.
Also, you've been trying to make this friendship work somehow, and it's hurting you. Despite whatever went on between the two of you, at this point there's a conscientious girl trying to do the right thing and pouring her heart out on 7Cups...I think that girl more than deserves to be happy, and shouldn't feel guilty about putting all the energy you've put into saving this friendship, into serving yourself. Somebody has to look after you <3 ...who is doing that right now? :) It's time to be a happy Avocado, or to take the first step on the road there...you can do it!
@RaspberryCup8692 Thank you so much. Reading this made me cry a little because it made me realize so much. Why am I putting all the effort into this when honestly he's proving that he just doesn't care anymore. At least now I can say that I did everything I could and can now close the chapter to our story knowing I gave it my all. The pain just isn't worth it to me any longer.
@brightAvocado3528
Hi Avocado,
You're welcome...I'm sorry that reading my reply made you cry a little. Yes, you did do all that you could and gave it your all. You might find that if you stop trying to communicate with him that this might get a response, or it might not. It definitely isn't worth it to keep torturing yourself though - you truly deserve to be happy. In time things won't hurt as much, it just takes a while.
If you can find some other things to focus on that will help, even if you are aware that you are just trying to distract yourself at first. Eventually it will get easier. And at some point when you are ready, you will meet somebody else who could really be your match :) I have an aunt who likes to say, "You can't be with the right one, if you're with the wrong one." Take good care of yourself 
@RaspberryCup8692 Thanks again for all of your kind words and support. It is so true that you can't find the right one if you're still with the wrong one. Nor can you find the right one if you're still pining over the wrong one. I want to be loved by someone who values my worth and truly loves me for me and all of my flaws. Someone who looks at me and just knows that he can't live without me. Right now that is not my ex and I have to come to terms with that.
I know one day I will look back on this and thank God that I am where I am, but for now I have to take the time to heal so that I am the best version of myself for the next person that wants to be in my life.
I ran across a poet named Rudy Francisco and his poem, "Love Poem Medley" completely resonated with me. I will share the link below for anyone who would like to listen to it, but my favorite line from it was "I want to be your ex boyfriend's stunt man. I want to do everything that he never had the courage to do ...like trust you." This poem is everything anyone wants their significant other or love partner to feel for them. That is what I will look for. I will look for that because I know I deserve that and that is exactly how I will love the person I choose to be in my life as well.
https://youtu.be/Ld95X59WTbw
@brightAvocado3528
Thank you for sharing that link...as the poet says at the end, I hope you will find someone who will do whatever it takes to keep you by their side once they know you're the right person.
I hope that things are starting to get a little easier each day :)
@brightAvocado3528
Hi there! When i saw your post it was like reading my own story. Me and my ex broke up on the 17th of August, and the reason we broke up was we also lied to each other. But it as very toxic. Cheating from both sides were also involved. Our whole relationship was a long distance one, and misunderstandings and miscommunications led to this. Now we have been in this cycle of texting/calling and not texting/calling each other for nearly a month. I have made peace with my mistakes and forgiven him for his. But he is still out there, sleeping with every other girl he sees everyday. We are in different countries right now, and it hurts me so much to know that he's with someone else. I understand how you feel, but you have to keep in mind that happiness is something within yourself, you do not need to rely on anyone to be happy. You are already beautiful and strong on your own. Try to remember what used to make you happy before you met him, try to remember the freedom you had before him. You will be okay. Keep in mind that if you are chasing after the wrong one you will never give the right one a chance to catch up to you. You have a beautiful soul. The next guy would be lucky to have you. For what it's worth, you and him had a happy time while you were together, and I promise you, he will never forget you, and as time goes by, eventually all the bad memories disappear, only the good ones remain. Trust me. And I know how it feels like to be strong one day and miss him terribly the next. That is perfectly okay. If you want to cry, then cry it out. The right one will come along. You will be together if you were meant to be. Sometimes the best things only come back when you let them go. Remember that you yourself are the only important thing in all this, you are living your life, you control what's happening. Only you can make yourself happy. It's okay to feel hurt and pain, let yourself feel that, but afterwards remember that dwelling in the past will not help, yesterday is the past but you have the choice to make tomorrow a much brighter day. If there's anything you can take away from this is that YOU WILL BE OKAY. Eventually we will all be okay. And this will be nothing more than a memory, a past which have made you a stronger person.
@Isabella2306Ana
I'm sorry, I meant 17th of July.
Just wanted to say thank you to all who have supported me and been there to give me advice and words of encouragement. I makes this pain feel slightly more tolerable. I am at a point where I feel like the anger has kicked in and disappointment in him for letting go of someone who would have been there for him through thick and thin. His loss and my gain of understanding that I deserve better. One day he will look back and realize what he gave up and that will be his cross to bear. Here's to growing and loving myself and knowing my worth!! Thanks again everyone!!
@brightAvocado3528
Hi Avocado...it's good to hear that you are doing a little better and focusing on your growth and self-worth. It helps when you hit the anger phase - you want to go forward, not back now. I'm glad the posts to the forum were able to help you a bit. All the best
