Was it philosophy or was it the depression?
I had the misfortune of being emotionally neglected as a child. Being nearly molested didn't help as my mother became protective and discouraged me from socializing or developing friendships further. My household was dysfunctional due to my alcoholic father. This caused me to be interested in psychology so I was very much interested in how and why people are the way they are so I could understand my family, myself. How can I shape myself to be someone I like?
Somewhere along the way, I ran into a guy who happened to be into philosophy. Due to having been raised in a very religious household,
@tealVillage6189
Hello teal,
It sounds like in the end, you both had a conflict of personalities, even though you had connected on many levels. I can totally relate to what you're saying. I've had similar experiences of "kinship" and feeling like someone got you, only to see that there were so many other ways that they didn't. I think similarly, I used those feelings of being connected to particular people who were toxic for me, in hopes of feeling that union once again. I'm glad you got out of the relationship but I know how painful it can be because you remember all the ways you connected and it feels like you won't ever find that connection again.
It takes a lot of time and patience to get to a place of peace but I am confident that with enough persistence, you can do it. If you feel like you need some guidance on how to deal with your breakup, I would encourage you to read our self-help guide on Breakups. I used it when I broke up with my ex and I felt it was very useful.
Good luck and take care! 
xx
