Update:moving week

For anyone who doesnt know I've been living with my ex for the past 3 months. It's been a fucking ride to say the least. Been in this gray area of friends with benefits type of thing. I think I fucked up a couple times in my mourning though. He caught me snooping through his laptop and didnt like that I've told some people I know about his identity issues. 🤷‍♀️honestly I usually just think it's best to just come out and be like this is me deal with it. Guess he wasnt totally ready even though he talks about it often, cut his family off and told his grandma. And maybe I'm being disrespectful with the he/him pronouns here but idk I say them for understanding. A lot for those who know the person they used to be and now. Its jolting to compare the two. Anyways, its moving week. Crying periodically and just panicking. Trying to get everything out by tomorrow night is stressful. Realizing how much I have again is overwhelming. Theres litterally so much I have to do. On a bright note my health insurance premium went down. Thank goodness. But I'm here moving my stuff alone. My mom was gonna help till she messed up her ankle last night. My sister is in the middle of something and my friends had other plans today. So, here I am. Packing. Hoping my sister comes by and just trying to hold it together by myself long enough to get through it. Itd be so much easier if someone else was here right now.

My ex is currently away on a trip to see their friend and will return tomorrow at midnight. We were intimate the day before he left. He was freaking out about his own security. And I let him lean. I needed the leaning too. Then he beat himself up a little thinking it was dumb how we did that without protection. Well mother nature came today and honestly I'm a little sad about that. Is that even sane? Like logically I know that'd make things even more complicated and stressful and I dont really want that. But I'm sad, hurt, and lost. I dont think my friends truly realize how broken I feel right now. I play it off fine enough I guess. No cause for concern here.

But I found out I've been dating an image these past few years. Comprehending that is hard. This person didnt want to leave me traumatized and confused but I... idk i might be. I just dont feel like i know anything anymore.