This abusive marriage needs to end...
Ive been with my verbally and emotionally abusive husband for 20 years. Married 15. I've been through a lot of hurt, pain, and sacrifice. We have two teens at home, 17 and 15. My mind is. I love him, but I don't respect him much because of how he treats us and just how he deals with things on a whole. I want to leave but have been scared of the unknown. Meantime, I've been reading on abusiverelationships, divorce, building my faith and strength, etc. I just haven't gotten the strength or guts to end it and leave. He's co dependant. I am a bit too, but I'm trying to break out of it. I realize I must have convince myself that me and the kids will be OK if we left, we have people to support us, and he's gonna be OK too. I have rid ,myself of any blame I may place on myself for any bad things that may happen. I know I'm doing it for a good cause.
Look I'm sure that what you're going through is very difficult for you but do you realize the damage that it's doing to not only you but your kids too? They have been growing up in an environment with this abuse.I am sure this man has been abusing you since probably after 6 months of dating him...before you were ever married or had children.A person like that never changes.If you have had the support to get out...why are you still hesitant??There is never a 'good' time to get away from an abuser because you're always scared no matter what.But there is LIFE out there! To live where you and your kids will never have to be around abuse again...it's out there but you need to leave now.If you keep putting it off and putting it off...one day that man will kill you.Living in an abusive situation...your spirit dies a little everyday....No matter how scared you are..you need to leave now.You and your kids are precious human beings who deserve a better life.That will not happen if you keep staying in that situation.I have a friend,she's 38 yrs old and is living in a nightmare of abuse...been so most of her life! Has 3 kids,no job,no good support around her where she could get away..so basically she's stuck.YOU have the support..you need to take it.You are NOT codependant...you;re just scared of the unknown so you stay...but you need to be stronger for your kids.Who cares about if your husband will be fine or not...that's not your problem.You'ev dealt with his problems enough.Focus on you and your kids getting away from him.
My heart goes out to you @calmPlane. You are doing so much that is good for your self and your kids by reading and understanding about the emotional abuse you have been living with, Sounds like you are preparing your self for a different future.. one without abuse. And you will need the support that you talk about. But the step you are teetering on the edge of is pribably the hardest one. Emotional abuse strikes at the soul and undermines your confidence. I know.. have been there..and have left my marriage and can assure you it is possible for both you and your children to recover and thrive again. So be encouraged.