The Scorpion and the Frog

She said I was the love of her life. We had known each other since high school. She was the college roommate of my first love. When my first serious relationship fell apart, my future lover and I became close friends. But our relationship would be platonic for several years. She was always in another romantic relationship. She got married and I was happy for her. Her husband and I became good friends.

Then, one New year's eve three years into her marriage, she revealed to me that she was attracted to me and we began an affair. I quickly fell in love with her and confessed my feelings to her. She said that she loved me too. There was drama, I lost a friend though I deserved it, and eventually she chose me.

We stayed together for 7 years, seemingly happy. For most of that time she and I lived together. She never divorced her husband, however, and it was a point of contention so many times. But I accepted her decision to stay married to him, understanding the guilt she carried from betraying him and staying married helped him to complete his undergraduate and graduate education. I provided for her, romanced her, gave her the thoughtful, caring, patient love of a lifelong companion. We traveled to Europe together, shared almost a decade of memories, built a life together. I did everything within my power to make her happy.

And then she had an affair with another man. My world was torn apart. The life I had worked so hard to build for the two of us was shattered. I tried to take my own life. It was more than I could handle on my own and I sought professional help to try to make sense of what happened. She admitted that she wasn't unhappy with our relationship and promised me she would stop seeing the other man. But she couldn't bring herself to end her affair. She continued to see him, going to his bed every night and returning every morning to our home and all the while I knew and she knew I knew. I spent months in therapy while she had her affair. I spent months waiting for her to keep her promise, to decide that everything we had together was what she wanted. And I spent months being disappointed.

I moved away from her, to be closer to my family with who I was estranged. That was six months ago. She and I no longer see each other but we still text each other everyday. She is living with the other man but she regrets hurting me and tells me she intends to end things with him. I understand everything she did. The thrill of the affair, the addiction to the other person, the dopamine high from being with him, the withdrawal she went through whenever she came close to ending the affair. I happily carried her through the last 7 years. But infidelity is who she is. It is her nature.