Struggling to move on
I’ve been divorced for 3 years and I’m so scared to move on honestly. 3 years ago while I was processing the thought of being cheated on, I managed to find a man 15 years older than me to fill the void that I was feeling. He had expressed his interest in me and while I was also interested in him, I remember telling him that our relationship can only be physical and not emotional to which he complied. I’m honestly very grateful to him because while he understood I was hurting, he also provided me with a beautiful friendship.
He always heard me out when my thoughts were too much to keep in and he constantly held me while I cried my eyes out. Naturally 1 year later after knowing and seeing each other consistently, he tells me he loves me. My heart broke and I didn’t know what to say. After developing confrontation issues from my last relationship, I naturally just ghosted him. I felt so terrible but I panicked, it was too soon for me and I still wasn’t over my divorce. Another year passed of radio silence and finally I decided to give him an explanation and express how sorry I am.
He tells me he’s still in love me and that the decision has always been mine to make. I don’t know how to tell him that I’m scared shitless, I don’t want to start over with someone new but deep down I know he’ll treat me like the most precious thing on earth. I’ve just gotten so used to my own space, my own routine. Im scared and I feel so lost.