Struggling to move on
I’ve been divorced for 3 years and I’m so scared to move on honestly. 3 years ago while I was processing the thought of being cheated on, I managed to find a man 15 years older than me to fill the void that I was feeling. He had expressed his interest in me and while I was also interested in him, I remember telling him that our relationship can only be physical and not emotional to which he complied. I’m honestly very grateful to him because while he understood I was hurting, he also provided me with a beautiful friendship.
He always heard me out when my thoughts were too much to keep in and he constantly held me while I cried my eyes out. Naturally 1 year later after knowing and seeing each other consistently, he tells me he loves me. My heart broke and I didn’t know what to say. After developing confrontation issues from my last relationship, I naturally just ghosted him. I felt so terrible but I panicked, it was too soon for me and I still wasn’t over my divorce. Another year passed of radio silence and finally I decided to give him an explanation and express how sorry I am.
He tells me he’s still in love me and that the decision has always been mine to make. I don’t know how to tell him that I’m scared shitless, I don’t want to start over with someone new but deep down I know he’ll treat me like the most precious thing on earth. I’ve just gotten so used to my own space, my own routine. Im scared and I feel so lost.
@avidreader81
Maybe you need to self-parent yourself and embrace being master of your own fate.
No one else is here to make you happy. When you know how to be happy with yourself... find someone else who is happy with themselves.
Regardless, once your happiness is not held hostage by an imaginary perfect "other", you will trust your own judgement effortlessly.
@avidreader81 have you ever considered therapy? I think you've mentioned being scared a few times, panicking, and at least around the time of the divorce. It sounds like it was traumatic and would help to speak to someone about it if it's accessible to you.
I was in therapy in the beginning due to the situation causing me sleep disorder and anxiety and ever after I continued because the anxiety got worse. Lately I’ve been thinking about going back because it was traumatic and every now and then I slip back into that mentality. I feel like it’ll affect my future with someone when I do decide I want to move forward with anyone. I just want to be mentally and emotionally healthy when I do.
@avidreader81 it's really helpful that you've identified potential slipping and that you're falling into old habits. If therapy was helpful the first time to re-frame your thoughts, it could help again. An investment in your mental health (whatever resources you have access to) is a great investment for building a more solid future.
@avidreader81- you articulated it so well your last paragraph. Simply share it with him. Life is full of choices and chances. Best of luck to you.