Struggling today, pulling for help and comfort
My Ex completely blindsided me one morning two weekends ago, telling me he didn't see any long-term compatibility, and that he can't give me what I need. I'm bitter that we never even had a conversation about our incompatibilities and how we'd be able to compromise and get better for each other. I also believe his breakup was a reaction to a misunderstanding when I asked him to get better at staying in touch with me.
I went No Contact immediately.
The first three days were filled with painful crying spells, but it's gotten better since I signed up for weekly therapy and starting a group workout class. I've also been immersing myself with projects and school. I've been praying more for guidance and healing. These actions have helped me feel better little by little.
No matter how busy I get I still get moments of self-hate, and self-blame for everything that has happened.
Today I am especially vulnerable. I am secretly hoping that he'll turn around so we could try one more time. He's a kind, sweet man with minor dismissive avoidant tendencies which I didn't think was terrible. Not defending him, but I considered him to be the best boyfriend I've ever had. In past relationships I was abused/mistreated many times so in comparison, he's the most amazing partner I've ever had. But I'm also paranoid that he may have just deleted my phone number and never want to hear from me ever again.
Pulling for help, words for comfort, anything.
I don't know if I can be comforting, but I am exactly at the same place as you today (its been 3 weeks today). It really sucks when a good relationship ends unexpectedly and you get blindsided by someone's quick exit from your life. The only thing that comforts me is when I think that he has the real problem, he is dismissive avoidant and ran away, I could not have done anything to get him to stay. I mean, he got angry when you expressed your needs of wanting more contact. He reacted as strongly as if you spat on him and beat up his cat. He does not have the normal, appropriate reaction, to a couple moving forward. It's not your fault. If you go back to him, he will do it again and again... Until he decides to work on himself, there isn't anything that you can change. Hugs to you, my friend!
I feel the same. He just broke up with me yesterday. I asked for more contact and suddenly he said he no longer feels the spark. I wished we talked about how we can both change. I wish we get back together, even though he said he doesn't a relationship with me long term. My family has reminded me though, "you're enough". You did well to try. To survive. That is a lot. My ex, though nice, smart, and everything I dreamed of, better than those who verbally abused me, often made me feel I wasn't enough. That part makes me sad. But I'm okay being sad. It was a bad breakup.
@exuberantSailboat3475
sorry you feel that way. your family is right. you are enough. we are enough. thought it hurts feeling neglected and abandoned, we will eventually get past this.
I like that. We will eventually get past this. And we are enough. You got this @shimmerstarfruit
He probably didn’t want you to change so much for him. My ex felt the same way. I don’t mind changing for her, I’d do anything for her. She doesn’t want that for me though and it’s tough because she’s right. You need to find someone who accepts you for who you are. In the long run if you stay in that relationship, it might end up poorly. Sadly that’s the best choice for both parties :( idk if that makes sense but that’s what I think for our situation
I can relate, my ex bf broke up with me and while he also had an avoidant personality, he had many great qualities but ultimately we didn’t want the same things in life. I still wish things would change and that we would get back together though. One of the things my therapist told me was that it’s ok to use whatever narrative to help you get through the day, even if it’s something like “one day me and my ex will get back together.” I think it’s ok to have a little bit of hope and once the dust settles a bit from the breakup maybe you can see more clearly and see what’s actually best for you whether it’s him or not.
