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Some recommendations if any would be lovely :)
willinggrapes September 8th, 2022
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Hi wonderful people!


Ive mentioned on this thread before that my bf broke up with me - because he couldn’t provide for me and didn’t want to lead me on


I saw a future with him and I wanted him! Although, I do admit it was difficult to communicate with him to the point where he becomes passive aggressive and I would have to constantly ask him if he was okay - I resented him for this, and I did think about parting ways with him (it was an on and off idea) for a month. But I did want things to work out because I loved him for who he was, and therefore communicated with him often so I can understand him better (I particularly communicated with him a lot more on slightly more serious topics a week before the break up because he seemed more passive aggressive and distant - which in my opinion, think it was the reason for the break up)


It’s been over a week already, and I’m not crying my eyes out or anything, and I don’t feel immensely sad (like in some of those break up videos). I think I don’t feel that immense sadness because I knew I was already unhappy in the relationship, but I still love him and want him. I cried my eyes out for the first 3 days or something, but after that I’ve just felt a bit depressed or just a bit nostalgic, like I miss him but I also don’t? I just don’t feel immensely sad.


This might sound weird or maybe you won’t understand what I’m saying, but I’ve been scared that I’ve been trying to deny my feelings or hold my emotions back without realising it - so I’m scared that it’s going to end up coming back to me in the future and breaking me when I think of him and see him again (overall, I don’t think I’m holding back any emotions? I don’t know anymore..) I think I might also be holding on to a bit of hope that he might come back and be with me and I know it’s dangerous but I really don’t know how to get rid of this hope.


Does anyone have any recommendations as to how I can stop hoping or at least fade the idea of him coming back?

3
willinggrapes OP September 8th, 2022
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I forgot to include that we asked each other what we would like more in the relationship a week and more before he broke up with me. I particularly asked for more affection, because I didn’t feel special around him - he made me feel special within the first few months and I tried my best to make him feel special too, but he eventually started giving me less and less, and I’m a person who likes being shown affection (particularly words of affirmation which was also his main love language - I received less of that over time). I also asked if he could initiate plans because I found that I was the only one initiating dates and hang outs.


When I asked him what he wanted to see more in the relationship, he didn’t really have any - so I assumed things were fine? Anyways, I’ve also been thinking that maybe I was too much - which probably caused him to leave me?


These are just my thoughts :)

greenCat829 September 8th, 2022
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Did you cry a lot during the relationship? If you were unhappy during the relationship, you might feel relieved vs. feeling heartbroken. My impending breakup and unhappiness were doing more harm to me than after the breakup. I still have my moments, but I often have to remind myself of the reasons we broke up. It helps to write them down and repeat almost as a mantra. Mine are “Our futures and values do not align” or “He never had time for me”.

willinggrapes OP September 8th, 2022
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Yes I did cry a lot during the relationship. At first, I used to cry because of my insecurities and overthinking. But after that, I used to cry more because he seemed genuinely uninterested (e.g. giving me shorter replies than usual, more passive aggressiveness, not talking to me in person, not initiating plans, etc)


But I feel like it’s my fault - it’s difficult to tell how he’s feeling so sometimes I overthink, and I mentioned once that I felt like I couldn’t connect with him (but it wasn’t this at all, my overthinking made me confused about whether it was the relationship or just me). He got annoyed that I asked this, and I feel like he became more distant after this.


After he distanced himself, he wouldn’t tell me what the issue was and I had to ask him if he was okay. I also told him my needs for a bit more affection because it really felt one sided. And so, I feel like it’s my fault that he became unmotivated to continue the relationship.

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