She was perfect, until I knew the truth.
Hey there. I don't know how to start, but here's my story:
I met a girl back when I was in my 3rd year of college. She was just what I've always wanted. She was driven, passionate, intelligent, and undeniably beautiful. For a while, we were a really awkward duo just because everyone kept teasing us that we'd make a good couple, and after a few months, I started courting her. She was my first girlfriend, and I was her first boyfriend. We both couldn't be any happier. I'd gamble and say our love was strong. We did fight quite often, over little things, but we'd always work it out. Eventually, I got a little controlling, and clingy, but she said it was okay, but we arrived at a point that she told me that it was getting too hard for her, so I told her I'd adjust. I did. After 1 year and 7 months, she decided to break up with me, telling me that she didn't love me anymore. She broke up with me on May 3, 24 days ago. She lost her feelings because we had to go in a long distance relationship, and she told me that she liked the freedom without me around. It hurt, but I accepted it, although deep down inside, I knew there was something else. I could feel it, and I acted upon it. Yesterday was supposed to be our 1 year and 8th month, and I went into a state of meltdown. I wanted to check her Facebook, because I knew that even if she left me, as long as she's happy, I would be, but she blocked me. It then occurred to me that I still remembered her password, and so me, being the desperate idiot that I am, decided to check it out. It was then and there that I read through some of the conversations she had with her friends. I was looking for a glimmer of hope, that someday, somehow, she'd come back to me. I did find it, but I found something else as well. I found out that she had sex with someone right before we broke up, which is pretty fucked up because we've had so many opportunities to have sex, but we both refused because she told me that she'd save her virginity for that special moment, right after we'd get married, and so I happily complied with that. It turns out that it was only applicable to us, and not some guy he met over 3 weeks ago.
She cheated.
I told her the truth. I told her I checked her Facebook and found out what really happened. I told her I'd forgive her someday, and maybe then we'd be better persons for each other, because frankly I love her with every fiber of my being. I even apologized to her, since I knew what I did was wrong. Instead of getting an apology, she told me 'GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE' and 'YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THAT TO ANYONE. YOU HAVE NO RESPECT. ARE YOU REALLY THAT DESPERATE? FUCK YOU'. Admittedly, I know what I did was wrong, and I offer no justification for it, other than me wanting to find out the truth for myself, the truth that she wouldn't give. What hurt me most is that instead of giving an apology, she had the guts to tell me that I didn't have the right to invade her privacy, when she didn't have the right to cheat on me, or on anyone else, for that matter.
If this is what true love feels like, then take it away from me. It hurts too much. I do not want it anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be capable of loving someone, anyone, ever again. Not like this.
I'm so sorry for what happened to you! That's no way a person who loves another treats another though. You need to find someone better because as much you want to believe that it was, that WAS NOT love or true love. That was infatuation and you can do better. I know it might be a little harsh but you will find someone out there perfect for you.
I don't really know anymore, to be honest. I'm a little abrasive to some people, and I don't readily get along with others all that much, primarily because I prefer to be an introvert. I get shy way too often, and at this rate, I don't think there'd be someone capable of loving somone as broken as I am. With that said, I don't think I'd be capable of loving either, at least not soon, because I've always told myself, and I'd promised myself: 'Never play with a woman's feelings. Give it your all or go.' but right now I don't know if I'll ever be capable of giving it my all, after what she's done.
I know I wasn't the best boyfriend in the world, but I don't understand why I deserved to be treated like that.
That's just terrible. What I absolutely don't understand, and never will, is a cheater. To me, that is the lowest of the low. Not only hat but the fact that she lied to you and couldn't confess to you about it. This shows that she does not consider you in her heart the way that you do towards her. It's very difficult and hurts so much, but you need to let her go. You need to learn how to be happy and fulfilled on your own. It sounds like you may become codependent in relationships. That's okay, you just need to learn how to love yourself and know YOU are enough! It may not seem like it now, but with time you will be okay and you'll be stronger and wiser because of this experience. Don't believe anything she said to you. Yes, going behind her back to check her Facebook was wrong; however there's a reason you felt the need to do so. If you ever find yourself in another relationship in which you feel you need to check the other persons phone without their permission or check their social media without their permission, immediately warning flags should be up in your mind. And the issues need to be addressed as to why you feel this need to check their phone or social media. Typically if you feel something is wrong, i.e you think they're cheating on you, or flirting with other people, etc. the issue needs to be addressed right away. And if they refuse to talk about it with you then you need to let them go. You don't want any insecurities in a marriage or relationship.
I honestly hope I don't become too dependent on relationships. Back then, I was what people would call a 'lone wolf'. I tend to do things alone, at my own pace, in my own comfort. I didn't want to bother anyone else, I didn't want anyone else's attention.
In the relationship, I've always trusted her. I've known her password for the longest time, and I almost always have access to her phone because she usually leaves it by my side. I told myself never to check it. It was after we broke up that I got curious as to what really happened, and I agree that it may have had no justification whatsoever, and I acknowledge that I was wrong.
I am going through something very similar right now, I know exactly how you feel...like it hurts too much and it won't get better or you'll never be able to let anyone in again. I just want you to know that it will get better with time and you need to come to terms with what happened, don't forget she made her own choices and probably did not mirror your own feelings all along because if she did , she would never have spoken to you or treated you like that. It was not your fault, if she had a problem with you then you both could have worked it out in a sensible way but then she cheated and no one deserves that. Just come to terms with everything, look at it from a different perspective and you'll get better with time...Thank you all for your comments, they have helped me as well
You're right. We could have ended it well, like mature individuals, but she chose this. She brought this upon the both of us. Right now, as quick as it may seem, I've began to hate her. I hope she dreams of me and her guilt eats her alive. I hope she can't sleep well at night. I hope she doesn't get her peace. I hope she doesn't get the love she thinks she deserves. I admit, what I did might have made me a monster. It may have made me a bad person, but she's far, far worse.
It's normal that you feel this way, but in the end you have to forgive her so you can move past all this. What you did didn't make you a monster, you had reason to be suspicious and you would not have been at peace until you knew the truth for sure.
To be honest, forgiveness isn't my strongest point. It's really ironic that we were dating, we told each other that the only reason why we'd break up was if there was someone else, a third party, involved. I told her how much I hated people who cheated on their partners. I've hated cheaters with a passion, ever since I had this 'ideal' in mind that relationships are sacred. You don't fool around getting partners and breaking their hearts. I'm too much of a white knight. I stood by my ideals until the end. I did what I thought was best for us in the time that we were together. She, of all people, didn't. She considered herself 'conservative' which is quite frankly, now that I think about it, offensive and disgusting, given what she's done.
Right now, I'm very sure that I won't be able to forgive her, and I'd think that would be entirely impossible for me. I hope somewhere along the line, that would change, but I'm sure I'm not ever going to try to take her back.
Forgiving her isn't about taking her back, its about making things better for you. Believe me when I say that I've been there, finding it extremely hard to forgive someone and thinking that it's absolutely impossible. Even when I thought I had, I realise that's not the case; it hurts just as much everytime I remember. When you forgive both yourself and the one that hurt you, then some of the hurt goes away and with time you will remember it but not with so much pain. I know you don't feel like it will happen anytime soon but keep an open mind and see what happens.
Thanks, I will try to keep that in mind. Maybe I'm just going through the anger way too much right now. Maybe when the borderline irrational hate that I have, I'll be able to think a little more clearly, and do what I have to do to be at peace.
I talked to a friend earlier, and surprisingly, my love and my sorrow is slowly turning into rage. Rage that someone could do it, and to me nonetheless. I know I may not have been the best boyfriend in the world, I haven't been a saint, and I've had my share of mistakes, but I do know that NOBODY deserves to be cheated on. My love for her is turning very sour, and is beginning to take a new form; hate. My blood boils when I think about her, and what she's done. Frankly speaking, this is helping me cope more than anything, but I've also promised myself and I've promised to my friends that I wouldn't go psycho ex boyfriend on her. The world has enough pain as it is, and I do not want to actively add to it. I'd be content that somehow, someday, her conscience will eat her alive. I do hope it does.
I guess we're all monsters in our own right. The only difference is some are worse than others.
Rage and hate...hmm. Those are big dangerous words. But if you notice all the people who were on here telling you they went through a bit of the same and they have the deepest sorry for you, that makes it better. I don't blame you for being mad or angry at her but hate is too strong a burden to bear. You've been through enough don't you think? Don't let her bring these feelings ripping out of you.
Be the better person, the bigger man in this. I can't tell you I understand your pain because I don't , nor will I ever because this is your unique life experience that I can't fully get. I'm not you but I wish I could take some of this pain and rage from you. Just think about how many people here just want to see you happy and free from any weight of a treacherous breakup like that.
Perhaps hate is too dangerous, perhaps it's too much, but ever since I was a little kid, I've always converted my pain into hate when I was done crying. It was my way of remembering that people aren't always the beautiful beings that they claim to be, and that somehow, I'll someday have to make a difference, I'll have to make this hate worth it. I use it as fuel, because as naive and as idealistic and maybe as stupid as it may sound, the more I hate the people in the world, the more I want to change it, and leave it a better place for everyone else. When we were together, she taught me how to love by being one of the sweetest, kindest persons there was. My coping mechanisms became compassion, love, and understanding, but after what happened, she robbed me of that. I am down to my last and most primitive way of coping with pain.
Maybe someday I'll be able to get rid of the hate, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her. Maybe.
You went seeking for answers, and youfound some. It wasn't what you wanted to find, and I am sorry for that. But maybe it was information you needed to find. She behaved badly... She cheated and lied, to you and herself. People lash out in self defence when they are backed into a corner, and perhaps that's how yourFacebook invasion made her feel. But that doesn't matter. What matters is how you move on from this, how you learn from this experience, and how you love next time. There will be a next time. This person revealed themselves to be unworthy of any more of your time and energy. She may have loved you but wasn't ready to settle down. She may be incapable of loving someone other than herself, Who knows? Don't beat yourself up about it. Onwards and upwards my friend x
Perhaps. I loved her so much, and all I wanted to see was her face, smiling and happy, even if I wasn't the reason anymore. I've made a promise to myself, that if I ever had a partner, I'd be in pain, but I'd be at peace if they broke up with me if that meant they got their happiness back, if for any reason I may have accidentally taken it from them. I wanted to find that glimmer of hope. What shakes me down to the core and kills me inside is how she still had the guts to tell her friends that she wouldn't close her doors on me, that she'd let me court her again once we were a little more mature, even after what she did. What the hell.
I do think you're right. I do think that she doesn't want to settle down any time soon. I'll be 21 this year, she's 20. Before she broke up with me, she told me she wanted to explore the world, without the burden of thinking about anyone else, but I don't see any justification in that for her actions. I never will.
Love is probably the strongest force in people's lives. It is synonymous to life itself, as it can create or destroy. It can be the most wonderful feeling in the world and could be the worst. It is bliss and melancholy. I understand the feeling of getting hurt by the one who meant the whole world to you, and how it slowly eats you up inside and you tell yourself you'd never fall in love again as to spare yourself from the pain to ever reoccur again.
But, akin to Pandora's sad story, there is indeed hope. You probably might be around the 21-24 years age bracket which means you're pretty young. There are close to 8 billion people now, and you haven't even met 1 percent of it... unless you know 80 million people lol. Even if you do not believe in hope, I am sure there's a pretty big chance that you'd meet your other half, one that you'd spend the rest of your life with.
Cheers to you and wish you nothing but the best.
Indeed, love is perhaps one of the strongest forces. I found it out the hard way how it changed me as a person. In hindsight, before I knew what happened, I would have considered myself a 'better person' for having known how to love. It made me more compassionate, more open to the world. It rebuilt me from the ground up. Before I ever knew how to love, I was this silent, gloomy, shy person who only ever talks to people when necessary. I've always had my earphones on, just because I wanted to be isolated from everyone. I didn't want to be in anyone's business. Loved changed me. I just wish I'll be able to hold it together, not to go back to my former self.
I'm turning 21 this year, so I guess you'd be able to consider me as pretty young.
I don't know how to convey my thoughts that effectively, but here it is.
It's only been a few days, and I'm still nursing the wounds of finding out the truth. I've been hanging out with a lot of my friends lately, and for the first time in my life, I've (unfortunately) started drinking, but fortunately not to the point of getting blackout drunk (at least not yet). Memories still resurface far too often even if I'm doing something else, primarily because I was so good at multitasking, as I was nearly always thinking about her when we were together, and I'd stop doing whatever it is that I was doing every now and then to check up on her or to talk to her, tell her I'd miss her and I loved her. Now it's different, whenever the memories resurface, which happens really often, I feel immense pain and hatred. For now, I've stopped breaking down and crying, because I've told myself that she isn't worth the tears, but I'd be lying if I'd tell anyone that I was okay. I'm far from okay. I can't even see 'okay' from where I stand. Everything looks bleak, but I'm still holding up. I'm scared. I'll be moving to a new place, a few hundred miles from where I live, because I have to get a job there. I don't know what will happen to me without the only support system I'm currently relying on; my friends. I still feel lost. I still feel every bit of my being aching, screaming in pain, and craving for revenge, but I'm trying to get myself used to this. I'm trying to become a better man by not seeking revenge. I don't know how I'll get through this. I don't know how anyone has gotten through this. I just hope there's a way out of this. I hope that relief comes, and soon. I'm barely holding on.
Often times I wonder, should I have sought for the truth, and forever cripple my ability to trust and be in a relationship ever again, or should have I just lived my life and carried on with less pain, with less anger, not knowing what really happened?
I wish I could hug you right now :(
I saw what you did after all that's happened. You handled it really well and you communicated with her the best way possible, at least for me. I admire you for such strength, to be able to treat her like that and talk to her like that after the things you've discovered. As much as I wanna tell you that you should pursue her, the words that came out of her mouth only means she has lost her respect for you. People cheat for all reasons. It may be justified or not. In this case I don't think it's justifiable. I hope you get to move on. Yes, true love hurts. Love hurts. Hurting is part of loving. Please don't be afraid to love again.
