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intellectualCurrent2550
1,887 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 19 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceMay 26, 2015
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She was perfect, until I knew the truth.
Relationship Stress / by intellectualCurrent2550
Last post
 July 9th, 2015
...See more Hey there. I don't know how to start, but here's my story: I met a girl back when I was in my 3rd year of college. She was just what I've always wanted. She was driven, passionate, intelligent, and undeniably beautiful. For a while, we were a really awkward duo just because everyone kept teasing us that we'd make a good couple, and after a few months, I started courting her. She was my first girlfriend, and I was her first boyfriend. We both couldn't be any happier. I'd gamble and say our love was strong. We did fight quite often, over little things, but we'd always work it out. Eventually, I got a little controlling, and clingy, but she said it was okay, but we arrived at a point that she told me that it was getting too hard for her, so I told her I'd adjust. I did. After 1 year and 7 months, she decided to break up with me, telling me that she didn't love me anymore. She broke up with me on May 3, 24 days ago. She lost her feelings because we had to go in a long distance relationship, and she told me that she liked the freedom without me around. It hurt, but I accepted it, although deep down inside, I knew there was something else. I could feel it, and I acted upon it. Yesterday was supposed to be our 1 year and 8th month, and I went into a state of meltdown. I wanted to check her Facebook, because I knew that even if she left me, as long as she's happy, I would be, but she blocked me. It then occurred to me that I still remembered her password, and so me, being the desperate idiot that I am, decided to check it out. It was then and there that I read through some of the conversations she had with her friends. I was looking for a glimmer of hope, that someday, somehow, she'd come back to me. I did find it, but I found something else as well. I found out that she had sex with someone right before we broke up, which is pretty fucked up because we've had so many opportunities to have sex, but we both refused because she told me that she'd save her virginity for that special moment, right after we'd get married, and so I happily complied with that. It turns out that it was only applicable to us, and not some guy he met over 3 weeks ago.   She cheated.   I told her the truth. I told her I checked her Facebook and found out what really happened. I told her I'd forgive her someday, and maybe then we'd be better persons for each other, because frankly I love her with every fiber of my being. I even apologized to her, since I knew what I did was wrong. Instead of getting an apology, she told me 'GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE' and 'YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THAT TO ANYONE. YOU HAVE NO RESPECT. ARE YOU REALLY THAT DESPERATE? FUCK YOU'. Admittedly, I know what I did was wrong, and I offer no justification for it, other than me wanting to find out the truth for myself, the truth that she wouldn't give. What hurt me most is that instead of giving an apology, she had the guts to tell me that I didn't have the right to invade her privacy, when she didn't have the right to cheat on me, or on anyone else, for that matter.   If this is what true love feels like, then take it away from me. It hurts too much. I do not want it anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be capable of loving someone, anyone, ever again. Not like this.
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