Running out of time
Hello. For those of you who are divorced, what was the first thing you did to prepare? I have been married for 24 years and all my kids are over the age of 18. My husband is an alcoholic and he's getting worse. I'm surprised that they don't suspect him at work. I live in dread every time he drives- will he get arrested?, will he hit someone? The kids stay far away from him and he has no idea what is going on in their lives. He is also mentally and verbally abusive towards me. I have major depression and anxiety. I am on medications, but it has been pointed out to me that the meds won't work if the situation that I experience at home changes. The only way I can see it changing is to get a divorce. However there are complications. I promised to love him through sickness and in health, but I can't get better around him. For the last month, I've been feeling a sense of doom, like time is running out. Something is going to break soon. And it is causing me huge amounts of stress. If I choose to divorce him, what do I need to do? What do I need to prepare? Please help me.
You may find these some of these resources helpful:
https://www.crisistextline.org/resources/#resources-13
Especially, LawHelp (https://www.lawhelp.org/)
A surprisingly accurate quote that I have learned about alcoholics is “Alcoholics don’t have relationships, they take hostages.” You cannot make your husband get help, only he can do that. Likewise, you are the only one who can get help for yourself. I hope what I have provided you helps.
Divorcing after 29 years, I can only reflect on my own personal experiences. Your preparation may be quite different depending on your particular circumstances with respect to health, finances, living situation, insurability, career, family obligations, joint property, local laws and the list goes on.
As an experienced listener it would be my pleasure to be your sounding board as you prepare for the next stage of your life.
Take care.
@NotAllHere713
First is do you want to divorce ... sounds like you want to honor your vows but are concerned about the fall out.
Have you had an intervention? have you discussed consequences of his actions? all he is risking not only his life but others as well. alcoholism has some nasty side effects in health later on as well... I was in your shoes my spouse had dui's and cost thousands to comply with court ordered things i was mad at that but if i had known about the other long term issues i might have left memory loss and health problems that could have been avoided.
do you feel a big thing like being arrested or dui would make him see the issue? how about if he hurt or killed someone?
Have you discussed his harm to any relationship he will have with kids? ( news is kids do not forget and may not want to repair relationship)
look up divorce on google for your area many attorneys will do a free consultation.
do you know all assets/ money / retirement and debt that will be divided?
what type of child support and or alimony your area/ state gives.
I laid out all of the above and spouse finally got sober but they have to want to .... for it to last.