Please help me

OK I'm 36

Gone through 1 divorce and 4 break ups

This is my hardest break up yet,

I've had a crush on her for 2 years

8 weeks ago I got the bottle to ask her out

She was getting back with her ex

They had been on and off for a year

He treated her like poop! Lied to her

A few days later she thought about me,

Broke up with her ex and took a risk to get to know me better

3 weeks later we got on so well and got closer each day

Then 4 weeks ago she made it into an official relationship and said she couldn't imagine a tome with out me because I make her so happy

Her ex wouldn't leave her alone, asking for her back, making her feel guilty, threatening to kill himself so she put a restraint order on him,

It only kicked in last week and he messaged her loads before he wasnt allowed to any more and got into her head big time

Since then he's stopped but she told me she was finding it hard to get over him but wanted to try harder for us to work out

Then 2 days ago I get a message off her saying she still loves him and can't carry on the relationship with me while she feels like that

I asked her if she is talking to him and she said she can't legally so no not at the moment (makes me think she wants to though)

We are now only friends but I want to be with her so badly I can't stop my feeling for her, we had so much fun in the short amount of time we had together, yes I admit it went way too fast but we liked it (at the time I guess) she introduced me to the whole of her family, she was planning for things for my birthday next month

I need help sorting my head out