Often full of Hope, lately hope is poison
I desperately sought individual counseling in October 2020 due to fears of losing my 9-year relationship. I "agreed" to what I thought was to be a trial "separation" (never truly my decision). I was asked to leave my current home, give up my cats, and essentially asked not to fight for the family/friend/companion that I'd found in her.
Since then, I have made many discoveries and changes in my life amongst which was a newly confirmed diagnosis of ADHD as of May 2022 (this year). Throughout my sessions and much independent research, I had strong suspicions of ADHD being a central challenge throughout my life, and a significant causal factor in the various challenges that led to the termination of my relationship. I am still very much in the process of learning to cope with both.
I have also been experiencing increasing disconnection from family and friends over the past several years. I have no doubt that ADHD has been an influential factor there as well. Both general and romantic relationship concerns and confusions abound.
My previous counselor recently left the network and I am now without. I would benefit from (a) friend(s) along my journey toward greater self awareness, social assertiveness, and resolutions/lessons from my experiences. I feel like I'm on this journey all alone without adequate time or resources.
Over recent weeks, I've been haunted by the notions of,
"IF only she had known to what I now know," she might have also had the hope for me that I've always had for myself, and for US.
...this may just be "too little, too late."
...AND the intrusion of thoughts that, in spite of everything I've learned and my best efforts to realize my potential, this follows the trend of most of my life, that "my best" (has most often been) "not quite good enough."
@SojourningScribbler I’m sorry you’re going through this. Relationship changes are hard to deal with, but in my own experience has been a really great motivation for growth. I understand you’re saying, “if only,” and looking back on your life and thinking maybe you should have done more and that it is some kind of pattern. “If only” won’t change the past and past is not a predictor of your future. When those thoughts come up, as they will from time to time, I hope you can gently put them to the side as they are not helpful companions. Trying to stay in the present and maintaining hopeful aspirations (but holding them loosely) might be useful. I’ve found mindfulness meditation really useful for making the journey a little easier to take or to find a little joy in the present. Wishing you the best and I hope you find a lot of kind support here on 7 Cups.
Have you ever considered looking for meetup groups for people with similar challenges?
That might help to feel understood, and might make it easier to be open and honest about your challenges to others without fearing being misunderstood, unheard, left out.
I have been pretty depressed for a few years. Saw a therapist who could not relate.
My wife couldn't help and others kept their distance.
While I was just looking for understanding.
Felt so alone. Meeting with people who were depressed too would definitely have helped.
You are not alone, I'm sure there is help out there, people you can share with, who understand.