My Story off lost love

@Scottiestyles

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Anyway in Aug 2013 I met Sally on a dating web site and we had a very successful 1st date, on this 1st date, We met for a drink and we clicked straight away, we had a lot in common, from our music tastes to our passion for traveling, and 2nd date soon followed ( which is when I fell in love with her ) (In here you were mistaking infatuation with love. It's impossible to fall in love with a person on a 2nd date, you don't really know much about her at this point. You were actually projecting a fantasy, unmet needs on her, hungry for love.) and then a 3rd. within a matter of 2-3 weeks we were a item. (This was way too soon, in here you and her had unmet needs, wanting to feel loved that it made you two speed up the process).

We were together for close on 4 years, in this time we had several successful holidays with each other, we use to go out on day trips all the time, she met my 2 children whom, accepted her as my full time girlfriend. I was very , very happy , shed offered me friendship, love, security, and generally the sex was very, very good, (Things went great here, she was really in love and attracted to you during this time).

On to the begging of 2017, was a rather stressful for me as there was a lot of personal crap affecting my life, ( which included my mother whom has became increasing ill with dementia, and also the breakup of my x wife marriage which included domestic abuse ( I had to take both my children in for a few months ) , This resulted in her now x husband being sentenced to prison for 6 years for attempted murder and false impressment. (In here you were both facing your own struggles and going through things, and from the sounds of it was adding some stress in the relationship as well).

All these pressures did take the toll on me and I sadly became little distant form Sally ,(I don't blame you for doing this because you were going very tough and stressful situations. I could be wrong, but your way of dealing with things might be to back away and shut down, which might make the other person feel neglected in a way) I became guilty of taking her for granted thinking that she would always be there for me. I was content which made me compliant. (A lot of men tend to get compliant at some point of the relationship since life can get tough at times, but then the other partner feels like they are being taken for granted and neglected)

In June 2017 I forgot to call her on a Sunday, she was off from work on this day and was wanting us to have a day out, when I eventually did called her in the afternoon to ask if she wanted to go out that evening, this was the day she broke up with me, her words was I think I need a break. (I'm starting to think that she probably gave some hints such as being distant and less affectionate, but didn't communicate properly what was bothering her in a direct way. I think she felt smothered and felt like she was neglected which is why she wanted a break)

To hear this words stunned me, (even though I wasnt completely surprised ) (A woman saying sentences such as "I need space" or "I need a break" would shock and stun any man, it will trigger separation anxiety. They are some men who would handle this perfectly, but they are other men who will have this thoughts of "I need to do something or ill lose her" because they are filled with fear and anxiety)

Over the course of that first week, I tried to get her to change her mind by sending flowers, followed by a heartfelt letter with a poem. (A woman usually goes by how she feels in the moment, so if she asks for a break, then it's important to give it to her. In here you became focus on what you want, felt fear of abandonment and anxiety, which then it prompt you to do grand gestures. These kind of grand gestures will not work on a woman who is pulling away, it comes across as manipulative when you are doing all of this because you are focused on getting back the object of your desire). She called me back to say she needed time to sort her feelings out. (I could tell she really loved you and was trying to help you out. If a woman backs away, then you must also back away as well. The only thing grand gestures and trying to talk with her will do is just push her away even further until she has enough then will start blocking you). A week or so later we met for a drink and had a good talk, (Did she initiated or you? if you initiated contact then it's just forcing your way in). I then gave her a lift home, (I was hoping she might invite me in, however the then handed me a bag with all my stuff in, including my dressing gown, and said it was all over. (She told you repeadtly "I need time", but you didn't listen to her, you became focus on what you wanted without taking into consideration what she wanted). This really did break my heart, as I knew this was a sign that it was all over , 4 years down the pan.

Over the few weeks and tried again with a 2nd letter to win he back, still no joy, (This will not work on women who are pulling away because it'll turn her off even more. In here this grand gestures are not genuine, they are coming from a place of "I need to do whatever it takes to get her back" which is forcing yourself in. Time and space would have solved everything when she said "I need a break".) I then reluctantly accepted the truth of the matter, I then got myself back on the dating market, (You did the right thing here)I had a handful of dates, nothing realy clicked until I met Tracey, There was something about Jane which I liked ,

I then started to date Jane.

Now this is where it get interesting and sad, Jane asked me shortly after we started dating was my Ex called Sally, I told her yes. (Wow...the world is such a small place when things like this happen). Jane then said she knew her as a friend from time to time, and that she had bumped into Sally on the tram the previous day, Sally had explained to her that she had just came out of a long term relationship ( with me), Jane did not realises that I was Sallys ex. it was just one of those things.

Once I heard about this a texted Sally to see if she would like to meet up for a drink. (You are still going after her even after she gave your things back and then said "It's over". You are not communicated confidence and that you can take care of yourself without her, so this will not spark any attraction or love), And to my surprise she said yes, That night we had a very nice chat and drink with each other, I did tell her that I was now dating Jane and she seemed ok with it. (Bad idea...so she said yes to seeing you and then you mention dating another woman...) (mind you I could see the spark of jealousy in her eyes),. (It was probably more like hidden anger and frustration) I took her home and we ended up on good terms.

Sally shortly afterwards then blocked me on FB, ( which was initially hard to deal with, but I can understand why, ) (It's a bad idea to say to another woman "Im dating this other person", to avoid these kind of situations. A confident woman wouldn't have care or block you from FB, but an insecure women will have hidden anger, think like "I can't believe he invited me to rub another woman in my face" then they will have hidden anger and then they will retiliate by blocking you from social media)

After that meet up I was in a good place for a couple of weeks, I then started to relapse and the feelings that I had for Sally suddenly started to creep in to my mind, (It's understandable, you were with her for four years) I became very depressed because I knew I was still in Love with Sally, over the last couple of months leading up to Christmas

I started to think about her every day, 1 thing which I did have difficulty with was December in which was her Birthday on the 13th. I did send her both a Birthday and Xmas card. (This was a bad idea...she blocked you off fb and you do things for her...You shouldn't do nice things for someone who blocked you, breakup with you unless they contact you first and earn you back. You are not communicating self-respect here, and you are focusing more on what you want without respecting what she wants). I even bumped into her on the tram one day.

New Years eve came and went. I sent her a text wishing her a a great new year and she responded. (This was not a good idea, you are pursuing and chasing her hoping she will reconsider, but these kind of things will not work).

Last week was my Birthday, which is also the same day as one of my friends in which Sally is best friends with also, I turned up with Jane, But Sally decided not to come along, (This must have hurt a lot since you were hoping sally would show up) she did not even send me a birthday text, ( I was half expecting one as I believe we parted on as good terms as you can with a break up) (Her blocking you was not on good terms, you went after her so much to the point she didn't want to be in contact)

Today I find myself in a place of confusion and depression.

My head tells me to move on , be grateful for the Memories I had with Sally (Thats what you should do) and concentrate on Jane whom I am very fond off, and she has been great and very supportive to me, and does love me. (Do you love her?)

My Heart is still grieving for Sally , I have thought about her almost every day, There was a verp spercail connection with me and Sally, and I am still clinging on to a idea that we will meet up again sometime soon, and get back together. (It has to be her idea, as in her contacting you first)

I think my problem is this. I poured so much love and feeling into the relationship with Sally that part of me is scared to move on (I believe you were always afraid of never hearing from her again, so you kept contacting her so she wouldn't forget you while keeping the hope alive) and do the same with Jane as I cannot bear to be hurt again.

I also have a almost photographic memory which means the memories of the 4 years I had with Sally are still there vivid as anything. I know deep down Im still in love with the memory of her. (It's understandable how you feel, you were with her for four years and it hasn't been easy dealing with the breakup)

I am also afraid to tell Jane what my feelings are as this will almost defiantly kill our relationship nad devastate her. (Wait...so you are in a relationship with Jane while being in love with another woman? that's not cool...) I sometimes wish that I could just trurn the clock back to this time last year, and begin again.

@freshLight64

Thanks for the feed back, I know I made some dredful mistakes in the breakup. I yes I have to face the truth. Sally has gone,

I just find it diffuclut as there are som many triggers around still, I am a good guy, I| just made mistaeks in a honest way.