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This my story of me losing my true love.
For the purpose of the blog the name of the 2 ladies have been changed to Sally and Jane
First a little bit about me, I am now 47, I am a divorce ( from 12 years ago) with 2 teenage children.
After my divorce from my 1st and only wife, I was happy and single but had dating a lot of different women, some successfully some not so.
Anyway in Aug 2013 I met Sally on a dating web site and we had a very successful 1st date, on this 1st date, We met for a drink and we clicked straight away, we had a lot in common, from our music tastes to our passion for traveling, and 2nd date soon followed ( which is when I fell in love with her ) and then a 3rd. within a matter of 2-3 weeks we were a item.
We were together for close on 4 years, in this time we had several successful holidays with each other, we use to go out on day trips all the time, she met my 2 children whom, accepted her as my full time girlfriend. I was very , very happy , shed offered me friendship, love, security, and generally the sex was very, very good,
On to the begging of 2017, was a rather stressful for me as there was a lot of personal crap affecting my life, ( which included my mother whom has became increasing ill with dementia, and also the breakup of my x wife marriage which included domestic abuse ( I had to take both my children in for a few months ) , This resulted in her now x husband being sentenced to prison for 6 years for attempted murder and false impressment.
All these pressures did take the toll on me and I sadly became little distant form Sally , I became guilty of taking her for granted thinking that she would always be there for me. I was content which made me compliant
In June 2017 I forgot to call her on a Sunday, she was off from work on this day and was wanting us to have a day out, when I eventually did called her in the afternoon to ask if she wanted to go out that evening, this was the day she broke up with me, her words was I think I need a break.
To hear this words stunned me, (even though I wasnt completely surprised )
Over the course of that first week, I tried to get her to change her mind by sending flowers, followed by a heartfelt letter with a poem. She called me back to say she needed time to sort her feelings out. A week or so later we met for a drink and had a good talk, I then gave her a lift home, (I was hoping she might invite me in, however the then handed me a bag with all my stuff in, including my dressing gown, and said it was all over. This really did break my heart, as I knew this was a sign that it was all over , 4 years down the pan.
Over the few weeks and tried again with a 2nd letter to win he back, still no joy, I then reluctantly accepted the truth of the matter, I then got myself back on the dating market, I had a handful of dates, nothing realy clicked until I met Tracey, There was something about Jane which I liked ,
I then started to date Jane.
Now this is where it get interesting and sad, Jane asked me shortly after we started dating was my Ex called Sally, I told her yes. Jane then said she knew her as a friend from time to time, and that she had bumped into Sally on the tram the previous day, Sally had explained to her that she had just came out of a long term relationship ( with me), Jane did not realises that I was Sallys ex. it was just one of those things.
Once I heard about this a texted Sally to see if she would like to meet up for a drink. And to my surprise she said yes, That night we had a very nice chat and drink with each other, I did tell her that I was now dating Jane and she seemed ok with it. (mind you I could see the spark of jealousy in her eyes),. I took her home and we ended up on good terms.
Sally shortly afterwards then blocked me on FB, ( which was initially hard to deal with, but I can understand why, )
After that meet up I was in a good place for a couple of weeks, I then started to relapse and the feelings that I had for Sally suddenly started to creep in to my mind, I became very depressed because I knew I was still in Love with Sally, over the last couple of months leading up to Christmas
I started to think about her every day, 1 thing which I did have difficulty with was December in which was her Birthday on the 13th. I did send her both a Birthday and Xmas card. I even bumped into her on the tram one day.
New Years eve came and went. I sent her a text wishing her a a great new year and she responded.
Last week was my Birthday, which is also the same day as one of my friends in which Sally is best friends with also, I turned up with Jane, But Sally decided not to come along, she did not even send me a birthday text, ( I was half expecting one as I believe we parted on as good terms as you can with a break up)
Today I find myself in a place of confusion and depression.
My head tells me to move on , be grateful for the Memories I had with Sally and concentrate on Jane whom I am very fond off, and she has been great and very supportive to me, and does love me.
My Heart is still grieving for Sally , I have thought about her almost every day, There was a verp spercail connection with me and Sally, and I am still clinging on to a idea that we will meet up again sometime soon, and get back together.
I think my problem is this. I poured so much love and feeling into the relationship with Sally that part of me is scared to move on and do the same with Jane as I cannot bear to be hurt again.
I also have a almost photographic memory which means the memories of the 4 years I had with Sally are still there vivid as anything. I know deep down Im still in love with the memory of her.
I am also afraid to tell Jane what my feelings are as this will almost defiantly kill our relationship nad devastate her. I sometimes wish that I could just trurn the clock back to this time last year, and begin again.
Anyway thats my story , I know I could be in far worse places like a lot of you guys are, I just needed to get this out there.
I am happy for feed back.
