My Bf/partner of 3 years broke up with me while living together
So, I still live with this person and I just feel nothing but broken, lost. Unmotivated, and hurt. We moved in together in december and it was not the first time we'd done that out of necessity and wanting to be close. Got a dog, Finn, for his mental health supposed to be his emotional support animal and now hes mine because Finn hates him. I guess Finn senses the dynamic shift. I call this man a person because hes been going through an identity crisis lately, and I guess that doesnt involve me. He thinks hes nonbinary but accepts he/they pronouns, which is fine by me. He also doesnt think we have the same world view or that we really work together and no longer wants to be with me. I feel quite deceived and just hurt. I gave them everything. So many firsts I have shared with them. So many experiences and I really sunk my heart in this one. People keep telling me I should leave and its probably for the best but goodness it doesnt feel like it. Hes been really cold but also caring? Like he has apologized several times, expressed he feels like crap even though he believes hes making the right decision. But since the breakup weve gone out to dinner three times, once he brought home food from Wendy's for me without asking, made dinner tonight, done did the laundry, asked me to join him at universal (we both have passes) watched tv with me. And like yeah maybe he really is doing all of this because his messed up brain says these are the right things to do and it's what he needs to do to survive this time or whatever. But goodness it's just so hard to see that when those are I would expect from someone who loves me. However, my best friend would say he doesnt love me because hes insulted my intelligence before. And that's a line for her. This is true. He has. He thinks hes always right because researches litterally everything. It's part of his job. I always try to have an objectionable conversation about these things sometimes and I try to see the other side of things too and he doesnt get that. He either takes it personally or thinks that it's all evident of the idea that I just dont understand. Even when i try to come back around and express that i do. If you're wondering weve broken up before a couple times. I guess this time is different. I guess theres nothing else I can do and frankly that's terrifying. I dont know anyone else like him with the good qualities I see in him. He is like the most selfless, giving, caring, understanding and proactive person I know. I just wish I was enough. I just wish I could be good enough. I dont feel like I am right now. Maybe that's dramatic but it keeps running through my head. I really thought this was it and so yeah I gave him my almost my all. I know I made mistakes too and perhaps too many. I forgot I was on trial this time around and got way too comfortable. I'm really not good at listening to my gut. I'm writing this now because he just reminded me again that hes trapped in an apt with a dog who hates him and his ex. That he believes he broke up with me for both of our mental health and it just hurts. So I took a walk with the dog and cried. Maybe disappearing will help but its gonna take litterally every last part of me to do so. I dont have a ton of viable options to turn to. I can crash at friends temporarily but I really dont have the income to live by myself. Parents are either full house or just unstable. I'm just physically and mentally exhausted.