Leaving Someone You Love
Yesterday I left someone I love (I am mid-20s and he is in his late 20s)...it's a much different breakup than I've ever experienced because I'm still so in love with him. Over the past two months he's failed to acknowledge his lack of compassion and care towards me and I've tried/suggested everything under the sun. Reading couple's books (Like the Love Languages books), couples counseling retreat, etc. He says I'm being complicated and overdramatic and I just need to relax. I can't relax...he has made me feel so miserable and bad about myself. He went from loving, sweet, and sensitive to 9 months later cold, callous, and has this "unbothered" attitude towards me. My self esteem has suffered (for the first time in my life), I've been feeling depressed and anxious. Crying daily....and he gets annoyed when I cry and tells me to get over myself and says he doesn't care that I'm crying. He doesn't hug me or hold me....I just feel so unloved and uncared for and it hurts so bad. He doesn't understand the pain he's caused me and I am naturally a talker, I'm a good communicator so I try to tell him how deep this issue is and he blows me off. Barely listens. Even though I do see myself marrying him and spending my life with him I had to let him go. I had been debating it for a few weeks and I realized I was too scared to break up with him because I feared the pain of losing him. I had been in plenty of relationships before him (including long term) but never in love. It's so hard to leave someone you love. I told him I wanted to take a break for a few months while I focus on studying for the Bar exam (attorney licesning exam) this summer because my depression over the state of our relationship is a huge distraction. He's become impatient and angry all the time....he says extrememly hurtful things out of anger and I tell him that they have a lasting impact on me and he doesn't acknowledge it, take accountability or God forbid apologize. It just hurts. But thankfully I am now on this site and can have some support and an outlet to vent. It's very scary and painful...I think even argubly worse than being broken up with (at least that's how I feel now) because I don't want to be without him....I feel like I'll always blame myself for being the one who ended it. Feelings of guilt. And anxiety (what if I never find love again?). Of course if he took proactive measures to better himself and treat me better we could get back together. But his pride and ego are a force to be reckoned with. I love him dearly and he's honestly not a bad guy at all he just lacks empathy. It's hard because he's texting me that he doesn't want this, he wants to be together but I know that being with him isn't healthy for me so I have to stay strong...anyone dealt with/dealing with a similar situation? How did you deal with feelings of guilt or anxiety of leaving The One? How did your story end?
Thanks in advance for all replies, I know this was a tad bit long and there are a lot of breakup threads to choose from to respond to.