Leaving Someone You Love
Yesterday I left someone I love (I am mid-20s and he is in his late 20s)...it's a much different breakup than I've ever experienced because I'm still so in love with him. Over the past two months he's failed to acknowledge his lack of compassion and care towards me and I've tried/suggested everything under the sun. Reading couple's books (Like the Love Languages books), couples counseling retreat, etc. He says I'm being complicated and overdramatic and I just need to relax. I can't relax...he has made me feel so miserable and bad about myself. He went from loving, sweet, and sensitive to 9 months later cold, callous, and has this "unbothered" attitude towards me. My self esteem has suffered (for the first time in my life), I've been feeling depressed and anxious. Crying daily....and he gets annoyed when I cry and tells me to get over myself and says he doesn't care that I'm crying. He doesn't hug me or hold me....I just feel so unloved and uncared for and it hurts so bad. He doesn't understand the pain he's caused me and I am naturally a talker, I'm a good communicator so I try to tell him how deep this issue is and he blows me off. Barely listens. Even though I do see myself marrying him and spending my life with him I had to let him go. I had been debating it for a few weeks and I realized I was too scared to break up with him because I feared the pain of losing him. I had been in plenty of relationships before him (including long term) but never in love. It's so hard to leave someone you love. I told him I wanted to take a break for a few months while I focus on studying for the Bar exam (attorney licesning exam) this summer because my depression over the state of our relationship is a huge distraction. He's become impatient and angry all the time....he says extrememly hurtful things out of anger and I tell him that they have a lasting impact on me and he doesn't acknowledge it, take accountability or God forbid apologize. It just hurts. But thankfully I am now on this site and can have some support and an outlet to vent. It's very scary and painful...I think even argubly worse than being broken up with (at least that's how I feel now) because I don't want to be without him....I feel like I'll always blame myself for being the one who ended it. Feelings of guilt. And anxiety (what if I never find love again?). Of course if he took proactive measures to better himself and treat me better we could get back together. But his pride and ego are a force to be reckoned with. I love him dearly and he's honestly not a bad guy at all he just lacks empathy. It's hard because he's texting me that he doesn't want this, he wants to be together but I know that being with him isn't healthy for me so I have to stay strong...anyone dealt with/dealing with a similar situation? How did you deal with feelings of guilt or anxiety of leaving The One? How did your story end?
Thanks in advance for all replies, I know this was a tad bit long and there are a lot of breakup threads to choose from to respond to.
Thank you for sharing your story.
@Clementaine It sounds like you got a lot your mind *hugs* 
From what I read, you had a very difficult time coming to terms with your breakup. I know how hard that can be and I applaud you so much for making that step for your emotional health. I know exactly where you're coming from, so I'll try to give you as many nuggets of wisdom as I can. As I read your post, I kept hearing "was". Was kind, was loving, was sweet, was sensitive, how he is right now? From what you said, you he doesn't care when you are crying. He undermines your feelings and emotions. Matter of fact, it sounds like he downright mocks them. See the problem is, when you first enter a relationship you have this "honeymoon phrase" where you feel so in love and happy. You couldn't be anymore ecstatic. Then as months go by, you start to enter this phrase, as I like to call "being in love", instead of "falling in love". That's when the true colors start to come out. Sometimes you end up growing closer to a person in this next phrase or sometimes...as you have described, the person that you once loved and felt so happy with...isn't exactly the person you knew before. I've been there, I've seen it and believe me, I know it sucks. You want to believe that the person they were before, is still the person they are today. Unfortunately, as I mentioned previously, this is when the "true colors" of a person start to come out and you see them for who they really are.
Now I'm not saying all hope is lost. As you stated, maybe he will clean his act up and realize what he's lost. Maybe he'll fall back in love with the person he was so sweet and sensitive too. The problem is, are you willing to wait for that? The funny thing about loss is, it can either show you what you regret or what you seek to selfishly reclaim. Those two feelings are not mutually the same and you need to watch out for that. I had a very similar circumstance with my ex, who came back 9 months later "a changed man". I took him back, everything seemed so much better...then the problems started again. It took me 5 years to figure out that it was only the desire of conquest and reclaiming me again, not a sincere effort of wanting to have a genuine relationship. When I wanted a sincere relationship, one where communication and mutual respect of feelings were heard and listened to with the intent to make both parties happy, that's when everything went back to me being "dramatic".
I know right now you're thinking you're going to regret it. You may. I did for quite awhile after I broke up with my ex. I kept thinking about all the good memories, instead of the ones where he made me cry. Although in the end, I came to a place of peace where I knew that if he truly loved me, he wouldn't had ever lost me in the first place. It shouldn't take a breakup for someone to love you and if he really valued you, he would have worked on the relationship while you were still together. Not when you broken up with him.
I can't say what is right or wrong for you but what I can say is, be careful. Think hard and don't allow any sweet talk to influence your options if he's not willing to make sincere efforts to change before the relationship resumes. If he's not willing to do that...then I think you have your answer.
I hope this helped! Good luck!
@KindListening and of course I misspelled a word several times haha 
I meant phase not phrase.
@KindListening your reply was awesome. thanks so much for taking the time to respond. It was helpful to hear you've been through something similar. I've communicated directly to him that my emotional needs were not being met and all he says is I need to relax and chill out. Can't change him....I'm taking it one day at a time- I went for a jog today for an hour to clear my mind and started to really come to terms that this is it.
