Jealousy, Anxiety, Ghosting
Recently my anxiety has been consuming me and eating me alive. Suddenly, I had a weird feeling that the guy that I had strong feelings for, wasn’t being honest with me. We have had somewhat of a rocky “situationship,” constantly being on and off because he couldn’t commit to a relationship “with anyone.” This past week, we began talking again after I told him we shouldn’t speak anymore since I need to lose feelings for him and I can’t be friends with someone who I have feelings for. He made a new social media account to reach out since I blocked him. We started talking again and he made a bunch of promises to me, wanting to spend time together, being extremely flirty, and even wanting me to come and visit him. In a way, I think he sort of love-bombed me and I fell for it. Shorty after this, we spoke everyday and almost all day for an entire week. Although, at the end of the week, I started to be flirty with him and he left me on read. The next day, he sent me a long message, explaining how he was going through something and he apologized for not responding to me and stuff. Of course, I said I understood and left it at that.
About a week after this, of having no contact, I started to get a very weird feeling. My anxiety started acting up so I went to check his social media and it turns out he has been spending every single day with a girl he basically told me not to worry about. In the past, he told me that she was only helping him through this hard time by listening to music together and talking, they have been friends for almost a year, and also it may seem like she’s been around him a lot lately because she likes to hang out with his friends. I can’t decide if he lied to me or if my anxiety is causing me to jump to conclusions and overthink but I didn’t have a good feeling about this at all. Something just felt wrong. It turns out, they listen to music together constantly and spend the majority of their days together, where he promised he would spend time with me but could never find anything for us to do. This hurt me a lot because I feel like he used the excuse of her being around his friends as a way for me not to worry about him spending a lot of time with her. Because in reality, they were spending more 1-on-1 time together than with anyone else. This really hurt me too because he used to tell me that he couldn’t spend a lot of time with just one person.
Anyways, I ended up blocking him on every social media so we could have zero contact. I don’t even think he noticed I was gone. All of this hurts me because I can’t help but to check his social media and see if they are spending time together, which they always are. Today I am trying to not check it at all, but I just feel so used and lied to. I feel like he never wanted to commit to me, and always tried to get me to come back every time I walked away because I made him feel good. I was always kind to him, gave him a lot of my attention, and made sure that he felt loved. Although now it seems like he’s interested in his friend, has been spending a lot of time with her, and just threw me to the side. My heart hurts so much since I feel so blindsided by this. I should have walked away a lot sooner but I kept holding onto the hope of having a relationship with him.
Has anyone else been through a similar situation to mine? How did you stop obsessing over their whereabouts and just move on? It seems so simple but it’s not. How can I redirect my jealousy and anxiety into something more positive so I can heal from this?
@lilachearts
I get the picture. You deserve so much better treatment than that. 💜
Losing something we like/love/have gotten used to is hard. We grief when we lose it. I would assume that you are aware of 5 stages of grief. People go through it differently, depending on many factors, including attachment style.
Perhaps reconnect with yourself can help? What do you need in a relationship? What kind of person deserve your devotion?
Another thing is the brain. During the 'honeymoon phase' + having somewhat a sense of belonging, make the brain flooded with happy hormones which bring good feelings, and motivation.
When things go down in flame, the happy hormones drop. The craving starts. How do you trick your brain to release happy hormones? Some people use food, hence the terms 'comfort food'. But, it's not a healthy coping method.
Hope it helps a bit and sending you strength 💜
Please don’t feel used. I have myself this over and over. I know it’s hard not to feel this way but we must remember that we were being our divine selves and these men did not/ do not have the capacity to do so.
my ex asked for a relationship with me in January only to ghost me after 2/22/22. He’s damn near 50 ghosting. At first k thought he died bc I couldn’t believe that someone his age would do something so immature. After 2.5 weeks passed without contact I decided to pop up at his house unannounced and low and behold another vehicle was there. The car looked like it belonged to a woman but I couldn’t confirm. I just drove off and texted him that I’m withdrawing from the relationship. I sent the text on March 11 and he still has not acknowledged the message. I constantly look at our old messages and photos in my phone and it disgusts me. I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m anxious, I just want the respect I deserve. If he has another woman I don’t care. She can have him. I jus strongly dislike how he got me all excited and ready to invest in the relationship only to leave me cold on the side of the road. It hurts but I’ve been through breakups before. I know I will heal soon but I can’t wait until that day come. I hope he never reaches out to me. Unless it’s to apologize and come clean and admit that he is a coward. That’ll be good enough for me. Admit that he isn’t worth the jeans he wears. Hope this helps.