I was dumped by my first true love last year and now am afraid of falling in love again. *Long post*

@Vert2465

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well, there's a few things I would like to point out;

I dated this girl while I was in undergrad for 4 years (now 24) and within the first year and a half she moved back to her native country (but she has been in America for 20 years). (This might make things difficult for both people, not everyone is able to handle long distance relationships specially if they have some sort of anxiety or abandonment issues). Well we were deeply in love and would fly across the country and visit each other when possible until i made my final trip there in Dec 2016. (Things are going well up to this point, but something must had happened). I could tell something was off like she didn't want me around or as if my presence annoyed her. (At times people might get too familiar with one another, so theres a chance one side might get bored with the other, however with some space and time it goes back to normal. Another possible sceneraio is that something happened during the final trip that lead to other things. If you ask her tons of time what was wrong then its going to make someone back away). Well in Jan 2017 she dumped me giving me no consistent explanation of why she did. (Its possible she kept things inside for the longest without communicating things with you). I asked her why and what can we do to fix this because i was really in love with this girl (she asked me out and she said I love you first). (This shows you really care about her needs, wants, and the relationship in general). So she just would say things like "You don't treat me right or how i deserve to be treated, you didn't do anything wrong i just need space, but we can still be friends" or some other excuse. (This can be quite confusing...what does she mean with ""You don't treat me right or how i deserve to be treated"?. A person will usually feel smothered if they are asking for space, and at this point she lost attraction because she wanted to be friends. Another possibility would be if you communicated you are more into her than she into you through your words and actions). Well I didn't take it too well because I really wanted to know what was going on because i've invested my time in this girl like no other girl i've been with (Was she investing time and effort as well? was her level of investing was low and yours high? if it is then its going to cause problems in a relationship.) and being heartbroken for the first time really hurts and i did get emotional and said somethings on social media,but later apologized for it because i knew i was wrong. I know there are two sides to every story so I don't blame you if you think i probably treating her wrong, but I really didn't. (I don't really know how you treated her, and what's her definition of a guy treating her right, so its hard for me to say something like "You didn't treat her right".) My parents have been together for about 30 years and I've seen how my parents treat one another so I try to treat my women the same. We never had any big arguments before until I came over there and she was mad at me for a while because I didn't book a flight for us to fly to Thailand for her birthday because I didn't have the funds to do that because i literally dropped $2.5K to fly there and stay for 2 weeks. (I can tell she felt disappointed and mad about the trip not happening, but she didn't show empathy or consideration for the fact you pay $2.5k to travel there and spend time with her. She created a huge scene, focused on how mad she was, but didn't think about the effort, time and money it took to get there). Anyways, now she has a new bf and seeing that is just weird. It kinda upset me a few days ago because this is the day she dumped me and she put a picture of her and her new bf hiking on FB today. (Its not a good idea to check her FB, it will only further hurt you). For a long time I was hoping that we would just take a break and get back together, but deep down i knew that it would be a horrible mistake to let her back in again but i really missed having someone I could really talk to. Maybe distance had to do something with it but she wanted us to stay together while she was gone and I agreed to it. (This shows you loved her a lot). She moved because her dad forced her to go back and study abroad, but she was iffy about it because of how it would affect our relationship but i told her it's a great opportunity so you should definitely go do it (but she never got the money to come back to live in the states). (Her dad seems to have controlling behaviors, so this will cause her to have certain emotional issues and then she will bring all of it to the relationship. You were supportive on this decision, even though it probably made you feel bad inside). I've been on dates within the past months but I just don't feel the same anymore and I feel like if I do date them i'd only date them to fill that void of loneliness and that wouldn't be fair to my partner. (I see where you are coming from with this, its important to first be happy being single and then it would be better to enter a relationship). I feel like I really don't have anymore love to give because when I gave it my all I got dumped. Most days I blame myself for everything, but then I really stop to think about how this isn't all my fault or even partially. (I don't think its all of your fault, its 50% her fault, and 50% her fault. The guilt you feel its starting to affect you, and its causing you to feel sadness throughout this process). Im in med school too so the stress of feeling in denial and all these classes are really taking a toll on me. I do have hobbies to take my mind off the stress but it always comes back. (This is something you have not forgiven yourself for what happened, so its causing you to stay stuck on the hurt phase. Have you thought of seeing a therapist that could help you overcome this?) I'm just a big mess right now and I have somewhat moved on but i'm really trying my hardest to balance out life so I can be happy again.

I'm literally going through the same thing, it's hard ... but hey! we'll get through this! =D