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Vert2465
1,009 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts27 Forum posts2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2018 Member sinceJanuary 22, 2018
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I was dumped by my first true love last year and now am afraid of falling in love again. *Long post*
Relationship Stress / by Vert2465
Last post
 January 24th, 2018
...See more I dated this girl while I was in undergrad for 4 years (now 24) and within the first year and a half she moved back to her native country (but she has been in America for 20 years). Well we were deeply in love and would fly across the country and visit each other when possible until i made my final trip there in Dec 2016. I could tell something was off like she didn't want me around or as if my presence annoyed her. Well in Jan 2017 she dumped me giving me no consistent explanation of why she did. I asked her why and what can we do to fix this because i was really in love with this girl (she asked me out and she said I love you first). So she just would say things like "You don't treat me right or how i deserve to be treated, you didn't do anything wrong i just need space, but we can still be friends" or some other excuse. Well I didn't take it too well because I really wanted to know what was going on because i've invested my time in this girl like no other girl i've been with and being heartbroken for the first time really hurts and i did get emotional and said somethings on social media, but later apologized for it because i knew i was wrong. I know there are two sides to every story so I don't blame you if you think i probably treating her wrong, but I really didn't. My parents have been together for about 30 years and I've seen how my parents treat one another so I try to treat my women the same. We never had any big arguments before until I came over there and she was mad at me for a while because I didn't book a flight for us to fly to Thailand for her birthday because I didn't have the funds to do that because i literally dropped $2.5K to fly there and stay for 2 weeks. Anyways, now she has a new bf and seeing that is just weird. It kinda upset me a few days ago because this is the day she dumped me and she put a picture of her and her new bf hiking on FB today. For a long time I was hoping that we would just take a break and get back together, but deep down i knew that it would be a horrible mistake to let her back in again but i really missed having someone I could really talk to. Maybe distance had to do something with it but she wanted us to stay together while she was gone and I agreed to it. She moved because her dad forced her to go back and study abroad, but she was iffy about it because of how it would affect our relationship but i told her it's a great opportunity so you should definitely go do it (but she never got the money to come back to live in the states). I've been on dates within the past months but I just don't feel the same anymore and I feel like if I do date them i'd only date them to fill that void of loneliness and that wouldn't be fair to my partner. I feel like I really don't have anymore love to give because when I gave it my all I got dumped. Most days I blame myself for everything, but then I really stop to think about how this isn't all my fault or even partially. Im in med school too so the stress of feeling in denial and all these classes are really taking a toll on me. I do have hobbies to take my mind off the stress but it always comes back. I'm just a big mess right now and I have somewhat moved on but i'm really trying my hardest to balance out life so I can be happy again.
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