I think I want a divorce
My husband and I have been married since 2019 and have a home together. No kids. He is a nice guy, very hard working but he has little to no emotional intelligence. He doesn’t care about love languages. He will read a book a friend gave him over special ops and read in a week but won’t bother to learn about my love language or even talk to me without accusing me of an attitude. I’m literally exhausted with feeling this way for the last 2 years of marriage. I don’t know if I should consider marriage counseling first or if I should just be done at this point. I just feel bad because he works hard for us but I have no emotional connection to my husband whatsoever. I almost wish he’d cheat so I’d have a better reason to even be considering this… am I being dramatic, am I just jumping the gun here?
I mean counseling wouldn't hurt if he is atleast willing to go. He can be a hard worker all day long but a relationship/marriage takes hard work too! And if it's been going like this for 2 years don't waste anymore time please. Try to get the help if not get out fast ..no kids either???? your winning girl good luck!!!
Yeah, hopefully keeping kids out of this entire equation. If things don’t work out I’d like to have the best clean break that I could. I’m regretting not considering premarital counseling now because I feel like that might have prepared us for this type of scenario… I’m definitely going to suggest counseling now and hope he is on board. Thank you!!!
I don't think you are jumping the gun at all. Men can be clueless, but you know best what is going on. When I was in a situation similar to yours I concentrated on myself and got counseling for myself first. It helped me in that I realized his behavior was his problem and all I was responsible for was my own behavior. Now he is willing to consider marriage counseling. I don't know if that would be helpful for you, it helped me. Everyone is different, however, and you would be the only one who could come to a decision if therapy would help or not.
That’s actually a really good point. I definitely could use a counselor through this even if I find out i play a bigger role in this issue than I would like to think. A divorce would embarrass me so I definitely want to rush it, but I feel so alone and sad constantly.
What I learnt is, most of the time, the problem is from the other person, not you who they are projecting their fears on. Everything that happened to mine stems from their experiences which they REDUSED to let go despite POURING my love on them and making them see that life can be different. but they chose what they believe.
I am I'm exact same situation right now. married 2018 but started living together 2019. it's been one issue after another. I am emotionally drained to the extent that my physical feelings died as well. making live with him feels like punishment. He doesn't listen to my love language as well. He listens to other people than me and adheres to their suggestion. I had to check if I was dead emotionally, but I wasn't. I've told him about divorce and it's unfortunate. He is a "good guy" but not just good for me. i don't want to live my life with someone with a baggage of insecurities and lack of trust.
Literally same here. I’m emotionally drained to the point I wait up as long as I can for him to fall asleep before going to bed because I don’t want him to try and initiate sex. I literally can’t take it anymore. It’s not fair that he can have his love “tank” filled with physical intimacy but he isn’t giving me anything back for mine. My husband will not consider my feelings unless another man suggests “hey maybe you should consider your wife’s love language and that she wants to connect emotionally”. Then he would bring it up to me as if I haven’t been crying out for that … what did yours say when you brought up divorce. I told mine today that I felt like I have to the point that I was thinking about it and he pretended not to hear that part…
It happened gradually. it started coming up like jokes. and he was the one joking about divorce, but my response were direct, but he thought I was joking alongside. His insecurities kept rising and I kept disliking him the more to the point that I couldn't take it. So I told him I need to have a discussion with him. we talked and I voiced my concerns. But that discussion did not end the way I wanted it to. Fastforward, I came home late from work and had an accident unfortunately. luckily I was safe but the car was I'm shambles. i have already begun to wean off dependence on him so I was able to calmly handle the situation and call the necessary body and sort myself. However, his conviction of insecurity didn't allow him to pay attention to me to understand how I feel even though I seemed calm (I was scared). apparently he didn't believe me. he was asking to go show him where the accident happened and the details of what happened. Told him I could not go. He got angry, and left although I had expressed that I needed to get a new car for my job, he left the house and told me he would return in 3 days. That was when I.made my final call. No matter what, if you cared for someone as much as you claimed, their well-being would matter to you no.matter what you think they've done against you. I spoke to a close family friend who I've been communicating with to tell them that I'm done, 9nky waiting for him to return after 3 days so i could tell him what I want. He returned before the 3 days and said I wanted to talk (the family friend had spoken to him). He started talking, mostly about his suspicions, I listened ALL THROUGH calmly. when he finished, I told him I was a divorce. and I made it clear why I'm divorcing him, and it was NEVER about finding someone else. I WAS MENTALLY EXHAUSTED for who he is. So dear, don't let him find an error to hold on to, (I should've done this since last year.). I only started to speak to others when I was finally detached. but no one can see within me. Better later than ever. if you want to fix it, go ahead NOW and fix it. if breaking up is a better option, go ahead and break up, don't look back. Note: after telling him my decision, I went up to my room and CRIED. He consoled me as he could, however, I kept crying after he left till past midnight. I spoke to someone who listened to me and I felt better. I'm not yet whole, but I will get there. I've missed me. I need to get me back!
Just curious, is he in law enforcement?