I think I am emotionally dead?

Hi, so a few weeks ago, I have gotten out of a relationship due to the distance and some complications (we are toxic towards each other), we both didn't want to, but it was necessary, we were each other's first love.

However, after the break up, I have not cried at all, I feel like as if I don't exactly know what to feel. I don't feel especially sad, but I don't feel especially happy as well. I enjoy my time with friends, but then frome time to time, I just think about him. It doesn't hurt me or anything, it's more of a "I miss you and everything we used to do". I don't know if I'm happy or not each day. Like I think of him at least once a day and idk if I'm like so hurt that I'm emotionally dead or smt. I'm like lost emotionally. I don't know what pure happiness is like anymore.

I feel like as if im always gonna love him, even if i have moved on, which i know i will one day, i will still love him as a friend, as a very important friend. I just don't know what caused this, did all the relationship I had caused this?

I just feel lost and I don't know what to feel every day.

Do you guys ever had this feeling?