I suck at breakups
I used to be this happy nice girl, always smiling through life and then I decided to fall in love with a stupid guy who only took advantage of me, and then decided to cheat on me with mu best friend. Of course I sent them both to hell but I was really hurt. After that I lost my way and started drinking and making a lot of bad choices and here is were I met a guy who turned my whole world upside down, he became my best friend and my worst enemy. I fell head over heals for him, we skipped school, teached me how to smoke, tried drugs, I almost ran away with him. So when I finally decided to tell him that I loved him and I wanted a reall relationship with him he completely turned me down...claiming that I was his best friend and that a relationship might ruin that. So we stayed friends...well, more like friends with rights. A week after this he asked some random girl he met at a party just a week before to be his girlfriend, naturally I broke down. Why wouldn't he want me ? I lost touch with him for a while, I wasn't strong enough to see him with some of other girl and smile...a few months later he called me and wanted to see me. In the time we were apart I began to see what a twisted and screwed up relationship we had....so I agreed to meet with him, just to give it some closure. Of course he said he loved me, that he had been so stupid and that I didn't deserve what he did to me. And I fell for it, because i loved him so much...but still he didn't break up with her girlfriend. A month later he told me he was moving to China (yes the damn country halfway around the world) so i couldn't take it anymore...he said hed come back for me, of course I bet he said the same thing to his gf and other stupid women begging for him I suppose. And the next thing I knew he was gone, and I was left here with nothing but a broken heart. What was the probability of him moving to China before having something real with me ? Ive been lost ever since, maybe its because I feel I don't deserve anything, I feel like I should just become a nun. Why wouldn't he love me the way I loved him ? Is really any other girl better, prettier or smarter than me? Ive been lost ever since he left, ive been drinking like crazy, drugs are my thing and meaningless sex is everything I do Its been a year since he left and I don't think I'm ever gonna feel this way about anyone ever again...but im so tired of being a sex toy for guys I don't even know, is it really so hard to love me? Or to look at me like a real person?
No honey. Don't you even feel like that. You've been taken advantage of by a manipulator. He manipulated your mind, and your body. You are a beautiful person with much love to give, that much is clear just given what you've posted. Don't give this man another opportunity to hurt you if he comes back from China. Who's to say that he won't con other girls there to love him head over heels to get what he wants? Give your love to a man who will love you and ONLY you. Who won't play mind games with you, and will make your relationship clear. There is a man out there who will love you like that. Make yourself a prize to be won. Make someone work for your love instead of giving it out for free. You're more than worthy, make the next man earn it.
Sophie, he does not deserve you, and you deserve someone a lot better than him. Reading what you wrote anyone can assume what a nice girl you are. Maybe a sad girl, but nevertheless lovable and sweet. I am so sorry you found on your path someone like him. A real man helps you to deal with you addictions and to get rid of them, not the contrary. he doesn't teach you how to smoke or how to use drugs. if he is trying to throw you in the same condition he is, that's because he needs someone to feel miserable with, not a friend or a lover. Don't let him ruin your life, move on and start thinking that you are valuable and love worthy. I am sure there is plenty of guys out there that would be glad to date you. Hell, probably there are even girls out there who would be glad to date you! If you may take a suggestion, I suggest you to move from where you live. Start your life over again somewhere else. don't make yourself traceable for him ever again. at first it will be difficult, but things will get better soon. if your drugaddiction is serious and you can't stopusing them, find someone or some structures that will help you to get over this addiction. Don't waste your life, please. I'm begging you from human being to another human being.
Love, N