I need some advice
Hello people,
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I’ve been having the urge to message him, because I realised that I’ve probably broken the relationship. I asked him for more affection (more words of affirmation because that’s his love language - and he used to give it to me a lot during the first few stages of the relationship and it died down after a few months because he became more comfortable). But I asked him if I can receive more affection, and I feel like that was wrong of me or that I insulted him because I feel like he might have felt like what he did wasn’t enough for me.
He was passive aggressive at times when I wanted to communicate, and was only passive aggressive because he thought that some of my texts seemed passive aggressive (I didn’t know he saw them as passive aggressive). And he doesn’t really initiate conversations like that. I also asked if he can initiate plans because I found myself initiating them more.
I still love him a lot, and I want to give the relationship another go. But I’m not sure if I should, or if it’s the right decision.
@willinggrapes
It doesn't sound to me like you broke the relationship... asking for what you need in a relationship is normal.
I don't know what to say about giving it another go... it's up to you. And him of course. But just be wary of letting your needs remain unmet for the sake of staying together. It's not sustainable long term and you'll just exhaust yourself.
@willinggrapes
There is nothing wrong with asking for what you need to be satisfied in a relationship, although I completely get where you are coming from. It doesn't sound like anything you are asking for in order to feel loved is way out there. Wanting to have those words of affirmations from your partner is 100% valid to want and need.
Ultimately it's your decision as to whether you believe you should pursue your ex here but I think for now some time apart might be good for clearing your head and re-evaluating what you want and need out of a relationship. I know that as someone who usually dives into these things with my heart and not my head, it's often something I neglect to do, and coming out of an emotional change like a breakup only makes it more difficult. But upon reflection, do what makes you happiest, cause you deserve it!
If you think a tangible exercise would help, maybe create a list of everything you want in a partner in order of priority if you could create your dream person. Why are each of these things important for you to receive in a relationship?
For example: How would they act? How do you show up for each other? What level of communication you are hoping for?
Does your ex check all the boxes? If they don't, which ones are they missing and is this something you could possibly live without?
Hopefully this helps!
If you want to communicate, never ever do that by using txt messages. Words can be deceiving and perceived differently.
If you want to communicate, do so in person, or at least call each other.
Thank you for your responses, it is great help :)
lots of love <33
