I feel so helpless
Me and my girlfriend broke up just about a month ago, we had been dating for about a year or so and really got along. What I didn’t know is that she was cheating on me with her ex and two other completely random people the entire time. If that didn’t hurt me enough though, it was when she told me she never meant anything she actually said and liked to manipulate my emotions for “fun.” Sadly this was also my first relationship, I’ve always been kind of hell bent on not dating but I tried, and well it got me here now. Whenever I talk to someone about it they always say “I’m too good of a person” and that makes me feel a lot better. The problem is that I forgive just about anything and value truth more than anything. Me and ex girlfriend are both were chronically depressed and would help each other get through it all the time. When she finally told me the truth (after a month of silence and talking about how much she wants to kill her self) I wasn’t sad or upset, I was just happy for her. The reason being is that she was scared to tell me, which if you think about it just shows that you care about that person enough to maybe be concerned about you. So I was proud of her for doing the right thing and reassured her everything is fine. That was the night we broke up, and everything was fine until I got the full truth. Then I lost it all, cause I gave it my all. So after about a month I’m still here in this situation. The intrusive thoughts are relentless and I’ve managed to let go of her for the most part. But yesterday she tried calling me, this of course ruined everything for me because I had just gotten over it all. She called to just insult me too, and was teasing me over the fact that I don’t have her anymore. All of this wouldn’t be so hard for me if I didn’t have to deal with all the other problems in my life at the same time. People just give up on me now, tell me I’m a failure and that I’m gonna be homeless. Even my parents. Don’t live with them anymore cause they couldn’t stand to have to see me. I have no sense of direction in my life at all and everything seems so confusing to me, went numb and now I’m indifferent to everything. I’m not to sure what I expect to get out of this, but doing stuff like this usually helps in the distract myself in the moment. Just trying to survive and not mutilate myself with my knife.
Sadly, it’s very easy to develop such dark and negative thoughts and emotions when you’re surrounded by a-holes. Remember that it’s not you. You sound like a warm-hearted person. But take this as a lesson to become a little more wary of certain people and try to view things more objectively. What would the reasonable person do? This girl sounds like a piece of work, but at the end of the day, she’s the most unfortunate one here, since she’ll have to spend the rest of her life having to live with herself.
In addition, your parents are definitely not dealing with things the way a mature adult should. But don’t let that make you lose hope. Humans are very complex, and many of us just like to live in our on little bubbles of self satisfaction and blame. There are people in this world who are more good and do more good than the ones you’ve come across with. You are one of them. Some people just can’t understand why others don’t think and act the way they expect them to. It’s easier to feel sorry for those people than to try and analyse them. Feel sorry because they are incapable of living outside the confinement of their limited spaced minds. Know that no matter who says what, you know yourself better than anyone, and you are better than them.
This is so sad. I hope everything gets better. I'm 15 and don't really know what to say to comfort or help but I hope things go better and I know u are a good person. Please don't loose your life because it's valuable. You are strong and will survive. HIDE ALL knives and go out more. Talk to others and try to make some friends that will help. If you ever need anything, 7 cups really help and I can also help (not a lot because of school but I'll try my best) everything will be ok maybe right now it won't but soon it will.
