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I don't know where I stand with him

courteousBlueberry4361 November 30th, 2017

Two weeks sgo my boyfriend and I had a huge arguement , I did and said things I regret snd not for the first time . He said he couldn't take it anymore and said we had to split . I tried to talk to him but his mind was made up . I text him after a couple of days but he was still angry and hurt and didn't want to talk to me . I emailed him and opened up to him but he said he still felt the same and I hadn't said anything he hadn't heard before . A couple of days later I asked if we could chat and he said OK . We just chstted about general stuff but then I asked him to give me another chance and what did he want and he said he didn't know . Since then weve chatted 4/5 times , its always me asking him to chat but he always says yes. I've tried to keep it light without seeming pushy and sometimes its like old times but then he goes a bit quiet . I can understand he's still hurting but I need to know if there's s chance for us . He hasnt once said no to chatting with me , he hasn't told anyone we've split up and he hasn't returned my stuff that I kept st his house even though when we split I asked him too . Is there any hope for us

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freshLight64 December 1st, 2017

@courteousBlueberry4361

Hey there, hopefully things are going well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

Two weeks sgo my boyfriend and I had a huge arguement (There could have been a lot of reasons why this happened, but one of the main reasons is disconnection and anxiety, so it affected the level of safety and communication). , I did and said things I regret snd not for the first time . (I don't know what you exactly or how severe it was, but more than likely this was due to feeling disconnected from him, so you probably said those things while losing emotional self control and to also pull him closer to you). He said he couldn't take it anymore and said we had to split . I tried to talk to him but his mind was made up .(I can tell it was not easy for you to hear those words specially when you love this person) I text him after a couple of days but he was still angry and hurt and didn't want to talk to me .(In here I can tell your anxiety could very high, going through a lot of hurt and pain, so you message on order to reduce these level of hurt and because you miss him). I emailed him and opened up to him but he said he still felt the same and I hadn't said anything he hadn't heard before . (It seems like he has heard this for awhile, so perhaps he knows that your behavior might now change). A couple of days later I asked if we could chat and he said OK . (One thing I would like to point out is that its not a good idea to keep going after him when he split up and being angry towards you, he might need some space and time so the negative memories slowly fades away). We just chstted about general stuff but then I asked him to give me another chance and what did he want and he said he didn't know . (He clearly can't give you a definite answer after the argument, it takes awhile for people to heal regarding these kind of arguments). Since then weve chatted 4/5 times , its always me asking him to chat but he always says yes. (You are putting investment in someone who has been pulling away from you, its not a good idea) I've tried to keep it light without seeming pushy and sometimes its like old times but then he goes a bit quiet . I can understand he's still hurting but I need to know if there's s chance for us . He hasnt once said no to chatting with me , he hasn't told anyone we've split up and he hasn't returned my stuff that I kept st his house even though when we split I asked him too . Is there any hope for us (I could understand you are hurting, missing him and wanting him back, but also got to put yourself on his shoes and show empathy for what he wants as well. The more you do, the more he is starting to pull away from you, and the longer it takes for this to get fixed.)

2 replies
courteousBlueberry4361 OP December 2nd, 2017

@freshLight64

Hi , Thanks for your input , a lot of what you said makes sense . I know I should give him time and space as i know hes still hurting and i am trying to but I find it difficult to not communicate with him . I want him to remember all the positive things about our relationship and not dwell on the negative but at the moment I don't think he can .

1 reply
freshLight64 December 2nd, 2017

@courteousBlueberry4361

I know I should give him time and space as i know hes still hurting and i am trying to but I find it difficult to not communicate with him . I want him to remember all the positive things about our relationship and not dwell on the negative but at the moment I don't think he can . (You mentioned giving him space and time it's a great idea, you got to read the cues, he has say yes to seeing you, but has not been excited to be there, so you would want to spend your time with people who are excited to see you and not someone who is just kinda there. The real reason you find it difficult is because you fear you might never hear from him, but the more you contact and reach out to him, the more he tends to pulls back and be less interested based on his behavior. The only thing that can help remember the positive things it's through space and time, being away from each other until he contacts you first)

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SarahSG88 December 2nd, 2017

@courteousBlueberry4361 I understand the uncertainity is frustrating for you, but I want you to know its okay at times. t You seem to be a person who puts your heart right into things. You will find your answers, I hope that happens soon.

1 reply
courteousBlueberry4361 OP December 2nd, 2017

@SarahSG88

Thanks . I hope I find answers too and soon

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