I broke up with someone I love so much
I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months 3 weeks ago. Meeting him was unexpected. Being in a relationship was unexpected. We lived together for 4 months right from the day we met and then he had to go back to his country. We were together for 4 months in a long distance relationship. He came to see me in the middle of lockdown, spending a lot of money, just to see me. He is the kindest, nicest guy I know. He always treated me well. We used to cuddle all day, I loved him, love him so so much. It was so amazing. But even with him, I always felt lonely. Like, I couldn't connect with him. I was miserable even when I was with him. I felt like I couldn't be myself. There was always this strong feeling that something was missing. I think I loved him too much. More than he loved me. Eventually, the distance made the issues worse. I was so lonely even when I was with him. And he wanted different things, spending time on them and not giving me time. I was hurting too much and I broke it off with him 3 weeks ago. We both said I love you to each other. I haven't talked to him since. I said I need time before I can contact him even though he wanted to stay in touch. He said he'll respect my wish. I love this man so so much that I've been a mess. I can't function. My heart feels heavy. I cry at random times. I can't bear this sadness. I miss him so much. If I couldn't be with someone so amazing, I don't think I can be with anyone else. I've no one that I can speak to. I've no one to console me. I feel broken. I can't see the point of living anymore. I haven't yet accepted that we are not together. So my heart keeps hoping but it won't happen. I lost myself and I don't know how to move forward.
@rationalPond9530
Wow, that sounds like a very special relationship but also like it was a very painful one for you.
He's a kind person who you treasure and the times when you were together were amazing. But you found yourself feeling lonely and increasingly unhappy.:
- The distance made things difficult
- You wanted more of his time and attention than you were able to get
- You felt like you had stronger feelings for him than he did for you
- Overall, you felt like your needs/wants weren't being satisfied and you were still lonely even though you were in a relationship
So you decided to break things off, which has been incredibly difficult since you miss him so much.
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You mentioned that you don't have anyone to talk to about this. If you haven't already reached out to a listener, HERE is a list of verified listeners who accept chats on breakups. You could also try looking at the 7 Cups self-help guide for breakups for tips.
This isn't specific to breakups, but I stumbled across this page a while ago and it has some tips for loneliness that I really like. The feeling I get from these is like it's okay to feel sad and take care of that sadness. 💜 I so relate to what you've said about cuddling all day with someone and that being amazing, so especially just those soft physical comforts (e.g. wrapping myself in a blanket, touching something soft/comfortable) really speak to me if I'm feeling lonely or missing someone.
- Wrap up in a blanket and watch your favourite TV show
- Write all your negative feelings on a piece of paper and tear it up
- Listen to a song or piece of music you find uplifting
- Write a comforting letter to the part of yourself that is feeling sad or alone
- Cuddle a pet or a soft toy.
