I am having a REALLY hard time
My wife tild me she wants a divorce on tuesday and even served me with a PFA. I am not a violent person but when she told me she wanted a divorce, I got so scared and like a cornered animal, I lashed out inappropriately. I very quickly realized my errors and worked toward fixing them. I am just struggling because I know we love each other and we have just been having communication issue for a while that we could not beat. I want to seek therapy with her but I also know we need distance for a period. I would just like to talk to some people about it all to maybe vent off some pressure. I also would like help in navigating my emotions as I am basically just in panic mode. I can't lose my wife and kids...
@BeingBestForMyKids
Divorce is hard .....not just the end of a marriage but an end to what you had pictured your life as for a long time.... that idea of how things should go is harder to let go then the marriage IMO
I understand your panic and think when the idea of divorce becomes a reality..... many people get in the panic fix mode but realistically is that possible? For many waiting until that moment it is too late. It often takes a spouse a long while before actually filing for divorce.
Marriage counseling was never tried before this? it is not like a couple sessions and all better ...it takes in some instance years. Is this a hail Mary play to keep her from moving on? This does not help only further distances you if spouse does not feel like trying.
Communication is a big one to work out. So many think they are working on it but sometimes the discussions that go no where and the head nods indicating that a person agrees then the fall right back into old pattern speaks louder about the relationship then anything else.
With kids involved do you have the time and space needed to really air out what is going on ?
Are you ready for things you may not want to hear as well?
@toughTiger6481
@BeingBestForMyKids
You are trying to work on you and wish you had taken her up in counseling when she offered and that is good but often we grow at different paces then our partners. My partner is doing this thing in agreeing to things i wanted to do years ago................. that is in the past for me, too late.
They think i am being difficult but in reality i have no interest in going backwards for them to catch up. when the distance in growth reaches that distance i have not found the answer to bridge the gap.
I did not have much luck in just working on myself alone with books/ books and videos sometimes it take some constructive criticism to challenge my defense that i was trying etc. Have you considered one on one therapy/ counseling?
I have no doubt many who divorce or consider still love each but it is the LIKE and the ability to see past some points and move forward are harder then they sound.
I am writing this as my partner just asked me to get something out for them right now and it has sat for hours they never touched it and i will end up putting it back later never used as they won't then claim they "forgot". .... so when they want to be romantic .... i am no thanks maybe later and like them taking care of thing "oops I Forgot"
@toughTiger6481
@BeingBestForMyKids
So if you may think she has someone advising her .... who?
Some women share with friends issues with spouse and they depending on their situation may advise doing things like in general she would not do that on her own. Some divorced friends like to claim the grass is greener if you start over. It is my theory misery loves company.
OR worst case she found someone she does Like.
@toughTiger6481
Her mother who had a very dirty separation and has not always been the biggest fan of me.
@BeingBestForMyKids
That might be where ugly moves may come be prepared.
@BeingBestForMyKids,
I am so sorry to hear this.
Normally when a woman says she wants a divorce she has taken time to think things over and, unfortunately, she has made up her mind. Adding a PFA (which might you make you lose your job in the US state I live in) is a serious step.
You mentioned she suggested counseling. Do you know why? As you might think she wants to try to reconcile whereas she wants the divorce to be kind and loving so you guys can be on friendly terms in future.
Maybe you guys should seperate, seek couples counseling in order to get some healthy communication going.
Yes, she might still love you but not necessarily as a husband, more as a good friend. It's OK to have hope yet don't cling to it. Use this time to work on you, to heal, to grieve.