I Feel like I Lost "The One"

I only dated him for 3 months and it was always a little shakey. We both admitted it was too physical too fast. We both had baggage. We both repressed scary feelings but dammed if I didn't love him from the moment I saw him. I never ever believed in love like that.

He broke up with me two weeks ago. We broke contact a week ago. I miss him so bad it hurts every second and I can't stop crying. I went on two very nice dates since then, to try and force myself to move on, and only realized how incredibly safe and whole I felt with him.

He wants nothing to do with me. I can't stop feeling like I missed my only chance at true love. I feel like I'm imploding. I didn't feel this bad after walking out of a 4 year relationship. This boy really got into my heart.

I wish I knew what to do. I can't beg for him to come back but it's all I think about. I can't keep crying every day but it hits me at unexpected times. We liked all the same things and everything reminds me of him. I can't distract myself with anything because they've all been touched by him. I dream about him every night.

I wish I was stronger. I wish I could accept this rejection better. I'm annoyed by my own patheticness. I wish I were empty of feelings. I just want him back but know it would just end in heartbreak all over again. I wish I could scrub out all my emotions and be sterile and empty and as nonplussed as I was before I ever met him. He made me feel so deeply and I hate him for that. Because he took it all away from me