Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
  1. Forum
  2. Relationship Stress
  3. How to move forward

How to move forward
Emmeroni3618 March 6th, 2021
.

I'm really new here and was hoping some of you guys may have input on my situation. My boyfriend of three years and I broke up pretty mutually today after a turbulent few weeks. I had been dishonest with him about failing some classes and how much I was struggling mentally and emotionally, and he had been leaning on me really hard as his only support while going back to school for an engineering degree, which he was finding pretty overwhelming. After I came clean to him last weekend he asked that I leave the house, so I've been staying with family. We had a couple's counseling session mid week, but he was pretty cold and quiet to me overall. Today he came over with the dog and explained that he wanted to break up. We went for a walk and talked about how the relationship had grown unhealthy and codependent/somewhat resentful over the past few months and that it was best if we worked on ourselves. We are both interested in remaining friends after some time apart, and would potentially be open to dating again someday fairly far in the future if our lives were compatible at that point. I guess I just want input on how to best focus on myself. I was so enmeshed with his life and family, and the thought of being his friend in the future is making it hard to not dwell on the past the what ifs of getting back together someday. It's just kind if raw right now.

2
aquaSailboat1671 March 13th, 2021
.

Hey there! I am going through a very similar situation to what you're describing! The situation as to why we got to this point is different, but the ending is the exact same. Especially on the part where we agreed to remain friends and in the future maybe if we evolved enough we could give it another shot. Here's how I'm dealing with it. First of all, me and my ex haven't entirely cut contact, but we mutually agreed that we won't have any emotional conversation about anything until we both start the healing process. Also, about remaining friends with him - you have to become ok with the fact that it might never happen. You may come to realise that you still have feelings for him or he still has feelings for you, and that friendship would only continue to hurt you in the long run. And that's okay! You have to understand that you broke up for a reason and while you might be sad because of it, this was for the best. Because if the love and commitment were there, this situation never would have happened. And you'll learn to live without him and his family and his friends. It's gonna sting a bit at first, but you'll grow used to it and you'll be ok! I hope you're well and stay strong!

fiestasalsa March 14th, 2021
.

I’m going through this exact situation too. We ended off with that same notion that hopefully once we are our better selves, there could be some way for us to come back to one another & that we’d always be friends. I feel like I can’t start the healing process because I love him & us talking about a possible reconciliation in the future has been leaving me confused. Please know your not alone & it’s so comforting to know that there is other people out there that understands. If you have any advice for me... I am losing my mind

*Support Forum Disclaimer
My communities
Community guidelines
Report an issue
Talk to an expert therapist
I am glad that you decided to take this first step in reclaiming or...
Talk to Andrea Now