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How soon to start a new relationship?
peacefulforest75 September 3rd, 2019
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I recently left my husband and moved out, although we've been separated on and off since about March, and having trouble for a couple years now. Last summer after a particularly hurtful argument, I called a friend/ex for advice. I called him because he was a marriage counselor once, he's been through a lot of stuff himself, I always felt comfortable talking with him, and he didn't know my husband. We met up a few times solely on a friend basis, but also began messaging/texting quite a bit. He told me he's always regretted letting me go, but that he wanted to support me with my marriage because that commitment was important to him. During the off periods of my separation, there was more flirting on both sides. We met up a couple more times, but it wasn't exactly dating. I would say that you could call what I did emotionally cheating, since I was confiding in him and turning to him for the emotional support I needed since my husband was unable to provide it.

Once I officially moved out we began dating, and now only a month after I moved out we are planning weekend getaways. I knew this man 10 years ago and he was wonderful, although we both had a lot of stuff going on so we split up. He seems even more wonderful now, with all of the empathy/understanding/consideration I have longed for with my husband. Ideally, if my husband could give me half of what this other man does, I'd go back...but realistically I know that won't happen.

He's not asking for any commitment from me, and in fact tells me often that if we end up friends in the end, that's ok. I'm trying to be as honest with I can with him since I don't want to hurt him. My head tells me this is all way too fast...but my heart says this is exactly where I need to be. I'm happier than I have been in years. Should I just see where this takes me?

2
Aayla September 3rd, 2019
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You are happy and he is a wonderful person. It's a real treasure to experience all of this. It's normal to be a little afraid of commitment after a breakup, because we tend to generalize the bad experience we just had and see risks everywhere. But the biggest risk anyone experiences is a numb heart that cannot love anymore. You're lucky enough to have someone special by your side. Maybe you're scared that you're not seeing things clearly and that your judgement is clouded by your emotionally altered state, and that's understandable, but being able to feel something so beautiful and deep after such a long time of being neglected isn't something you can ignore. You don't have to make drastic decisions right now, we're not talking about marriage-level commitement, so it seems to me that you have all the rights to just follow your heart and be with him, and see where it goes. If the relationship will get more serious, stronger commitment will come naturally when the time is right. For now, you can allow yourself to be happy with him and just live and enjoy every moment, take every day as it comes. You and him both deserve to be happy, and I really wish you the best!

peacefulforest75 OP September 3rd, 2019
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@Aayla

Thanks. It almost feels too good to be true, like I don't deserve this. I blamed myself for the problems with my husband for so long, until finally I could see that what he was doing was hurtful to me. I feel sorry for him as he's in a place of anger and hurt with me leaving, but I'm realizing that it's not my responsibility to fix it.

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